


Letters from the Second Year

by AkaneRei



Series: Letters of Tomorrow [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29705376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaneRei/pseuds/AkaneRei
Summary: The letters of Squad Levi, the second year post canon.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Levi Ackerman/Mikasa Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Pieck Finger/Jean Kirstein
Series: Letters of Tomorrow [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162514
Comments: 423
Kudos: 260





	1. Letters to the OHRHQP

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the second year letters! 
> 
> If this is your first time finding my stories, please note that this is Part 3 of a series, and it would be best to read the first and second part before this.
> 
> If you’ve been reading this since the beginning, thank you so much for your continued support of my small contribution to the fandom!

——————————

To the Offices of HRH the Queen of Paradis

Please accept this correspondence as part of my weekly report as Ambassador of Paradis to Hizuru. 

I am happy to report that despite a somewhat unconventional start, diplomatic relations between Hizuru and Paradis continue to be amicable. The royal family has taken a particularly keen interest in continuing the trade negotiations initiated by the Azumabito clan prior to the Unfortunate Disturbance (what they currently refer to when discussing the Rumbling).

The reconstruction of their capital city is ahead of schedule. The people are grateful for the additional iceburst stones the Capitol was able to send as it enabled the for faster completion of several projects. This gesture of goodwill was seen as quite generous, and have promoted more talks amongst the clans. 

I will be participating in talks in regards to future trade agreements in the upcoming weeks. With this in mind, please send the updated list of resources and the limitations we will impose on quantity for the next five years. In addition, I have enclosed a list which may be of interest to our people for our own future development. A description of its current uses here in Hizuru and my interpretation of its possibilities for Paradis is included. I have also included detailed technical specifications for the evaluation of our Science and Technology Department. 

At The Service of the Queen,  
Captain Mikasa Ackerman  
Ambassador of Paradis to Hizuru

——————————

To the Offices of HRH the Queen of Paradis

Please accept this correspondence as part of my weekly report as Ambassador of Paradis to Marley. 

Diplomatic relations have been going well between the Eldians and the Marleyans. While there is still wide-spread prejudice amongst the people, there are attempts on both sides to come to an understanding and to meet halfway. I have been in constant contact with our comrades, Gabi Braun and Falco Grice. Although quite young in age, they have commanded a certain level of awe amongst the people and have been instrumental in bridging the relations between the Eldians of Paradis and the Eldians of Marley. Pieck Finger has been an excellent mentor to them and have continued to support the ongoing talks with the Marleyans and the two Eldian groups.

A notable occurrence that I believe would be of interest to and your cabinet is the ongoing development of a new communications line. I have attached in this report the schematics that the Marleyans have agreed to share in hopes that our own people are able to help with its development.

Thus ends the weekly report from Marley.

At the Service of the Queen,  
Colonel Jean Kirstein  
Ambassador of Paradis to Marley

——————————

To the Offices of HRH the Queen of Paradis

Please accept this correspondence as part of my CONFIDENTIAL report as Ambassador of Paradis to Hizuru.

Attached is the full investigative report on the attempted assassination of the Crown Prince, his wife, his son, his brother, and members of his household.

This report concludes the six month investigation led by the Royal Family’s personal guards. The royal family would like to formally extend their gratitude for the help provided by Paradis in closing this matter. A token of their gratitude comes in the form of the technical specifications attached to last week’s report.

At The Service of the Queen,  
Captain Mikasa Ackerman  
Ambassador of Paradis to Hizuru

——————————


	2. Letters from Connie

Dear Historia,

I’ve settled well enough here with Levi, as you recommended. There’s back-breaking work to be done here and it’s good to feel useful. Levi is a harsh taskmaster, but you and I already know that and I’m pretty sure that you have sent me here because you think that would do me well.

Thank you for suggesting this.

It is hard work, but I can see why Levi finds it fulfilling. The kids here...they’re something else. They remind me of more innocent times….and whereas before, it would have been a source of bitterness for me, these days I find myself smiling at my own memories, back in Ragako.

It’s not much, but it’s a start.

Connie

——————————

Dear Jean,

I got your letter—it found me pretty quickly actually. I’ve only been here at Levi’s for a month. I’m sorry about the disappearing act, my friend. I needed some time, I think. I didn’t mean to worry you, but I needed to just be away. Not sure I could really explain myself. I only hope that you could find a way to forgive me, even if you might not understand.

I wasn’t really sure what I was looking for. In fact, I don’t even know if I’ve found it. But after awhile, it just didn’t seem to make any sense to keep running.

So I'm here. Shoveling horse shit for Levi. Like old times.

And strangely enough, part of me is...happy.

Connie

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Jean mentioned you were worried about me. Gotta say, I’m glad you guys are at least keeping in touch with each other. There’s not a lot of the 104th left and I’m always happy to hear that everyone’s still...friends.

As you know, I’m staying at Levi’s. The kids mentioned that you stayed here for a spell too. Hah. They love to talk about watching you and Levi fight. I’m assuming you were sparring, but who knows with you two? I always thought you were on the verge of killing him half the time. Would have loved to have seen actual sparring, though. Sasha, Jean, and I had bets going on who’d win if you guys actually went all out—we didn’t count the one in Shingansina since both of you were...not at your best.

Anyway, just wanted to say, thanks for checking up on Jean. I did worry a little bit about him but it’s good to know he had someone to shoot the breeze with.

Connie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented on the first chapter, and an additional thank you to those who commented to shut down a hateful person :)
> 
> All of you are so appreciated right now. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed Connie’s first chapter.


	3. Letters from Mikasa

Levi,

I’ve written and rewritten this letter countless times and I just can’t seem to get it right. You always did have a talent for calling me out on my bullshit. 

The thing is...sometimes, I don’t think I know what I want. Or maybe I know exactly what it is I want, but I also know I can’t have it--at least not all of it. So I settle for crumbs. A few kind words from you, something that makes me think of the days when I would linger in your bed and breathe in your scent and feel whole. There are times when I miss those days so much, it becomes an actual physical ache in my chest and I have to brace myself to keep from falling.

Remember when you told me it wouldn’t be fair to continue? I agreed then and I agree now. But some days, I don’t care about fairness. Life’s never been fair to either of us, so why should I be fair? I have nothing to offer, no current plans to return to Paradis, but I find I can’t stop myself from writing to you. 

Your letters help keep me sane, help keep me grounded, help make me laugh when I have a shitty day. You’re like me, and I don’t think there’s anyone else in this world who’ll understand me the way you do.

But in the end, I want to be a better person. I want to be fair...most especially to you.

So, I think….I think it’s best that I stop writing to you for now. It’s also best, I think, if I don’t receive anything from you in awhile. So please, don’t...don’t write back to this letter. I don’t think I can bear it.

I need to be able to stand on my own, without relying on you so much anymore.

I’m sorry, Levi, for putting you in this position. 

With all my regrets,

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Armin,

Tell me more about your travels. I want to hear about all the places you and Annie have been to. The different beaches, the different sorts of land. 

You have no idea how happy I was to read your letter, how happy I am for Annie. But most of all, how happy I am for you. I was so happy, I think I cried. Because I knew then that you’re no longer on borrowed time. And that you’ll grow old and live a long life, maybe tinkering on some new project with Annie at your side.

I love you, Armin. It’s easier for me to write than to say. Especially after that day. But be happy and I wish you and Annie the best for all the days that you live.

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Jean

Damn.

Who knew you were such a sappy drunk? I bet Sasha and Connie knew. I’m willing to bet they gave you a hard time about it too. I remember they used to rope you into their little forays in town and Sasha would come back to our room plastered beyond belief. I wish I could have seen you three together that way. Instead I learned how to hold Sasha’s hair while she puked and wailed about the wasted food she was puking.

But I guess the next best thing is to be drunk-written by you? I could make fun of you but, I must admit, it’s sorta cute to have a sentimental Jean. The juxtaposition between the two Jeans is fascinating. Thank Pieck for me, would you? She seems like a good influence.

And if it makes you feel any better, you’re special to me too, Jean-bo. There’s not a lot of the 104th left, so all you guys hold a special place in my heart.

Always,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Historia, 

Lady Kiyomi has shown me the first draft sent by Hizuru for the negotiations behind the unification treaty between Hizuru and Paradis. You should be receiving an official copy soon, but I have attached to this letter a list of the highlights and my notes surrounding the matter. 

I know I agreed to play this part, but seeing it on paper makes me nauseated. I want to ask you to promise me that it won’t come to pass, but I’m not sure I can put that burden on you either. So many things have to fall into place. 

In another matter, I need you to keep tabs of Levi and make sure he’s doing well. He won’t be expecting to hear from me any time soon. I’ve….done something. I’m not sure it was the right course of action and I didn’t do it for you, but it should keep his visits to you to a minimum, should I be delayed in my letter writing. I...out of all the things I’ve done and agreed to do, I think this was the most difficult. 

I do need some details regarding the timing. These discussions, as far as I know, have been strictly confidential to our circle and the royal family. It is about to open up to their advisors. You mentioned a mole in Paradis. What’s the likeliness of this treaty and the details making its way to Marley? As the Marleyans may have an opinion regarding the proposed treaty between Hizuru and Paradis, it would probably be best that Jean is not caught unawares. I will start including high level discussions in the copies of the reports I send him. 

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Connie,

I’m so happy to hear from you! Jean will be so relieved.

Levi mentioned that you had arrived at the farm in his last letter. I hope everything is well. I do miss the kids at times. They provided me with some humorous stories that I still laugh at when I think about it.

That being said, keep an eye out for Levi, alright? Make sure he’s not overdoing it. He forgets that he’s not as young as us anymore. Should you need any advice on keeping him from threatening to kill you on a daily basis, I am here at your service,

Mikasa

——————————

_**Unsent drafts from the desk of Mikasa Ackerman** _

Levi,

Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. I can’t bear—

Dear Levi,

I think I lo—

Levi, 

I’m so sorry.

——————————

Jean,

I’m flattered that—

Jean,

Shut up, you’re drunk.

Dear Jean,

Thank you. You’ve helped me to. I can’t imagine not—

——————————


	4. Letters from Armin

Dear Mikasa,

I’m so happy to hear from you. I’ll be sending you some drawings in a separate parcel. It will be filled with some of the sketches I had done from our travels. I think you’ll like some of the creatures we’ve seen. You always did have an appreciation for beauty.

Annie and I are headed for Marley. She misses her father and would like to visit Pieck and the others. I will be looking forward to seeing Jean, as I heard he did finally accept that post Historia had offered him. It would be good to catch up.

But enough about that. Tell me about you and Hizuru. How have you been this past year?

Yours,  
Armin

——————————

Dear Historia,

Is there something I need to be aware of with Mikasa? I might not have much rights to ask given this past year, but Historia, she sounded….odd in her last letter. Are you aware of anything that might be causing her some distress?

Please respond at your earliest convenience.

Armin 

——————————

Jean,

Annie and I will be back in Marley in about a month or so. Maybe a little longer. I’m sure Annie’s already told Pieck. It will be so good to see you, my friend.

Armin

——————————

Connie,

I heard you were back.

I’m so glad, Connie. It’s been so long.

Armin

——————————

Dear Levi,

I hope it doesn’t come off presumptuous, and it may be impertinent of me to ask, but I’m told you correspond with Mikasa quite frequently. Tell me, does she seem ….well to you?

Armin Arlert

——————————


	5. Letters from Jean

Levi,

I wanted to thank you...for letting me know about Connie and for taking him under your wing.

This...hasn’t been easy on him, but I think maybe being around you might just be what he needs.

I want you to know that if there’s anything at all I can do for you, or that orphanage of Historia’s, all you need to do is ask.

Jean

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Ugh. That’s it. You can’t be my friend anymore. I’m revoking your membership to this elite circle. I never realized how cruel you can be. Why would you kick a horse when it’s down, I ask you. How many times do I need to tell you that Jean-bo needs to be off the table. What’s Falco gonna say if he sees it? Not to mention Gabi?! Those little brats won’t let me forget it.

I understand about the 104th. You guys were always a pain in the ass, but dammit. You’ve all grown on me. 

Like a wart. 

Have I mentioned I finally heard from Connie? I hope you have too. He’s staying at Levi’s if you could believe it. Maybe Levi’s mentioned it in his letters to you?

Anyway, I’m glad he’s there.

I hope that Levi keeps him too busy from disappearing again.

Jean

PS. Ok, maybe I was a bit harsh. We can still be friends, but you’re on probation, pal.

——————————

Dear Historia,

Please. I’m going to have to ask you to step back. Mikasa and I have separate lives. If she decides to make Hizuru her home, it is her decision to make. There’s nothing I can do about it. Why would you even think I have the ability to influence her from all the way here in Marley?

You’re barking up the wrong tree, my Queen.

In other matters, I’ve sent copies of the newspaper edition that had done a report on the efforts of the Marleyan and Eldians diplomats and ambassadors toward a more unified Marley. Hopefully you can use it as publicity to some of the good works that’s being done over here. There should even be some familiar faces in one of the photographs.

Jean

——————————

Connie,

You better not fucking disappear again, asshole. 

Tell me more about your work with Levi. Are you actually teaching? Molding the minds of future generations? What the hell was Levi thinking?

As messy as you are, I can’t imagine Levi letting you live in his house for long. You gonna build something of your own, or is there already a place you can stay?

I told my mom you’re back. Do you mind coming to visit her once in awhile? I’ve asked her to come visit me already, but she is dragging her feet. I think it would be great for her to see a familiar face, so if you can just drop by once in awhile, I’d really appreciate it. And hey, I’m pretty sure you’ll get a home cooked meal out of it.

Jean

——————————

_**Unsent drafts from the desk of Jean Kirstein** _

Mikasa,

I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. Do you not get it?

Mikasa,

Thank you for saving me the embarrassment. I’m not really sure what got into me.

Mikasa,

What the fuck? Here I am practically baring my soul to you and —

Mikasa,

I’m such a fool…

Mikasa,

I fucking give up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note regarding this part of the series in general. There’s five chapters that won’t be in letter format, as it involves interactions with characters who have no reason to be writing each other since they would see each other every single day. 
> 
> But their interactions are an integral part to move the story along. I call these chapters “interludes” and they will be scattered within the 21 chapters of this story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the first one in the next chapter.
> 
> Cheers,


	6. The First Interlude: Jean and Pieck—a Day in Marley

He opened his eyes and wondered if today was the day. The timing was about right. She should have already gotten the letter, had ample time to respond, and with postal service times….today could be the day. Of course it could have been yesterday too, and the day before and the day before that, but who’s counting?

_You, obviously,_ his internal voice tortured him.

Oh shut up.

He got out of bed and quickly went through the motions of getting ready for the day. He was aware of the inordinate amount of time he might spend in the morning trimming his beard—Sasha never used to let him forget it—but it had become a habit at this point. 

And it wasn’t like it was everyday. 

Hurriedly dressing himself, he grabbed a toast on his way to the office he shared with the Marleyans. It wasn’t far, just across the street from the apartment building where they all rented. 

There was a noticeable jaunt in his step, there always were on days he thinks he might get a letter from her. His morning always starts off optimistic, and today was the same. 

Unfortunately, there was also the noticeable knot of anxiety that seemed to make itself known when he recalled what he wrote on that last letter. He had been wanting to write something that told her how he felt for awhile now. He had felt, through their letters, that he’d gotten closer to her. She always knew what to say, how to encourage him.

And their letters have gotten more….friendly? Playful? If he squints, maybe even...flirty? He recalled reading all the letters over and over, and there was a definite progression of...intimacy? Where she shared slices of her life that he didn’t think she would have ever shared with him back in their days with the Scouts.

So on that last letter he sent, he’d taken a chance. Powered by liquid courage, he’d come to something as close to a confession as he was fucking gonna get. And promptly mailed it before he even had a chance to change his mind. Now he just needed to wait and try to ignore that knot of anxiety.

He opened the front door of the office and was greeted by the three people he’d come to know and care for this past year. Although he’d felt initially guilty at having a different set of comrades to rely on that were not the Scouts, the past year has taught him to cherish the people in his life while he has them. 

“Jean!”

“Mr. Kirs—Jean!”

“You’re late,” Pieck’s voice carried over the other two. 

“I’m not late,” he protested vehemently. “You guys are fucking early!”

“How many times do I have to—“ Pieck began.

“Don’t mind us,” Gabi called out. “Heard worse!”

“Yeah,” Pieck agreed. “From him!”

Falco gave him a sheepish look as he passed him in the hallway.

“You gonna regret coming in late,” Pieck called out to him. “I thought I saw a pile of letters on your—“

He slammed the door to his office, his eyes zeroing in on what Pieck was referring to. 

“Rude!” Pieck’s laughing voice was muffled by the door. 

“Leave him alone,” came in Gabi’s exaggerated whisper, “I think there might be a letter from you-know-who that he’s been waiting on!”

He glared at the door. “I can hear you,” he shouted. “Mind your own fucking—“

“Jean!”

“Fine! Mind your own damn business,” he revised, irked. He should be used to it. Connie and Sasha had been relentless and compared to those two, this trio’s teasing was tame.

He could hear the giggles whispers going on behind his door and resolved to ignore them. Because now, all his focus was on the top letter. He could see it, that neatly distinct way of writing his name on the envelope. He snatched it from the pile and started to carefully open the envelope. 

Because he was always careful with her letters.

He moved towards his chair and sat down. Because he should sit down, right? What if he was utterly rejected? He wouldn’t wanna fall down on his ass. And what if she reciprocated? He didn’t wanna fall down on his ass, hit his head, and die right then!

So to be absolutely safe, he pulled up his chair and sat down. He leaned down, his elbows resting against his knees as he slowly unfolded what could be the most defining moment of his love life.

_Dear Jean..._

_Who knew you were such a sappy drunk?...._

What the hell?

_…..And if it makes you feel any better, you’re special to me too, Jean-bo. There’s not a lot of the 104th left, so all you guys hold a special place in my heart...._

He read it again for good measure.

And a third time, to make sure he was processing correctly.

What the fuck?

He stood from his chair abruptly, dropping the letter on his desk as if it burned.

What the fuck was that? 

He sat back down and took out a pen and paper.

_Mikasa,_

_I can’t believe I have to explain this to you. Do you not get it?_

He stopped. He could feel his breathing and it was erratic. He was clear. He was sure he was clear. Sure he didn’t have a copy of the letter he sent, but he remembered the words. They had been his constant companion since he slipped that envelope in that box.

_You’re special to me._

He stood up, almost toppling his chair. 

He needed to think. 

He could hear Pieck and Gabi and Falco outside his office laughing at something.

That ball of anxiety in his chest was about to explode, and he didn’t need it happening around them. 

He headed to the door and hurriedly walked past the hallway until he was outside. He could hear his three friends inside simultaneously call out his name in surprise, but he ignored them. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not right now.

He walked around the block.

Three times.

After the third time, he decided to head back to the office. Surprisingly, it was quiet. He didn’t see Gabi or Falco when he entered. He assumed Pieck is at her own office but hers is even further down the hall than his so he did not see her either when he entered his own office once again.

Maybe she really did think he was drunk and feeling sentimental and didn’t know what he was saying?

He sat down and grabbed another piece of paper and began writing. 

_Mikasa,_

_Thank you for saving me the embarrassment. I’m not really sure what got into me._

He stopped and stood up.

He began pacing in his room.

He went back behind his desk and put both hands down, leaning his weight against it.

That was stupid. Even if she thought he was being a drunk sentimental, that didn’t mean what he wrote wasn’t true. What he said came from years of pent up frustration of not being able to say it to her. Why did she make light of it?

He put down the pen he’d been holding and picked up her letter again. He didn’t know why...what she wrote was practically etching itself in his soul. He was such a fucking masochist.

_I bet Sasha and Connie knew. I’m willing to bet they gave you a hard time about it too…._

What was she doing? 

He watched his fingers curl around the letter, crumpling it, just as his fist slammed down the table and sweep everything else in its path. The sound of writing utensils, sheets of paper, ink pots tumbling down the floor was not quite as satisfying as the sound of the two empty coffee mugs that crashed and broke against the door.

He sat back down.

The door to his office flew open.

“Jean!” Pieck’s voice reached him. “Is everything alright?”

He looked up and he could see concern and worry mar her features as she looked at him and the mess that’s on he’s made.

She approached him slowly. “Jean,” she said again, sidestepping the mess until she is at his side. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he stated woodenly. 

Because truthfully, nothing did happen, but he can see from the look in her eyes that she didn’t believe him.

“Pieck, I need to finish some correspondences today” he said flatly. “Please close the door on your way out.”

He looked up at her and returned her gaze steadily.

“Please,” he implored quietly.

He watched as she bit her lip, clearly torn. 

“Jean,” she said again, softening her tone.

“Please,” he asked again. “I’ll be done soon enough.”

“I’ll just be down the hall,” she gave in, despite her eyes lingering on his face and the fists that are still clenched in front of him. She slowly moved towards his door. “Jean,” she called out, right before stepping out, “we’re all out here in case you need us. You know that, right? We’re here for you.” And she stepped out and left, closing the door behind her as he requested.

He unfurled his fists slowly and let out the breath he’d been holding. He stood up and carefully, methodically, picked up the mess on the floor. He winced as one of the ceramic shards from the mug cut his palm right before he was able to throw it in the trash.

He sat back down on his chair and grabbed another piece of paper.

_Mikasa,_

_What the fuck? Here I am practically baring my soul to you and —_

He stopped again. 

What if, what if she got the message loud and clear. What if...what if it’s the case that she just didn’t feel the same, and this was her way of letting him down easy? Giving him an excuse? Giving him an out? 

_I wish I could have seen you three together..._

He swallowed a lump of bitter disappointment and began another letter.

_Mikasa,_

_I’m such a fool…_

What if it was her way of trying to keep something from changing? What if, like him, she’s trying to hold on to as much as she could after all their losses?

_Your letters are ….precious to me._

Something was gripping his chest and wouldn’t let go.

_….precious to me._

Something in him was breaking. 

He held his pen.

_Mikasa,_

_I fucking give up..._

He stopped. What did she want? More importantly, what did she want from him?

_Thank you for keeping me company..._

Shit, shit, shit.

He knew, he fucking _knew_ what she wanted. It was only in his overactive imagination that she may have wanted more than the friendship she’d offered.

_Dear Mikasa…._

_….We can still be friends, but you’re on probation, pal._

It hurt. It hurt not just to think of the right words, but to actually pen them on paper. To maintain the light-hearted tone when, inside, part of his childhood just died.

He knew he would recover. No one ever died of a broken heart, they said. 

The banging against his door was loud.

“Jean!” Gabi’s voice was strident. “You done moping in there or what? You’re worrying Pieck, you know!”

“He is not!” a flustered voice came through. “Why would I worry over that—“

“You better not be having a tantrum in there, asshole,” Gabi continued, “I am NOT fucking cleaning up after you guys again!”

“Gabi!”

“Gabi!”

“Gabi!” He yanked open the door, irritation flowing through him in waves, intent on giving the loud mouthed brat a piece of his mind. This is an office for Sina’s sake and—

And the sight that greeted him stopped whatever internal tirade he had going on. 

He saw Gabi looking at him warily, her teeth biting the bottom of her lip with worry. Falco was quiet, but the anxiety in his eyes were telling. And Pieck was at the end of the hallway, no doubt coming out of her office to reprimand Gabi as well, looking at him with trepidation.

And just like that, he felt himself deflate. They were concerned about him. And he found that he couldn’t quite fault them for it. Besides…. it felt…. good. He hadn’t been with them long, but he could feel the bonds that started to form in the heat of war curl and expand into something akin to the friendship he’s forged with the 104th.

“You guys,” he sighed, his shoulders drooping. 

“What?!” Gabi asked challengingly.

“I’m sorry, Gabi,” he said, lightly. “Don’t worry, I cleaned up the mess already.” He looked directly at her, putting his hand on her shoulder. “I’m also sorry I worried you,” he added regretfully. He looked at all of them. “I’m fine. I just need to go over a few things, OK?”

He could see the three of them exchange glances. They didn’t really try to hide it.

“Did something happen?” Falco ventured to ask. “Some bad news?”

“Huh,” Jean gave a mirthless laugh. “Nothing important,” he told them, unconvincingly, it became apparent, from the looks of disbelief he was getting.

“Well, nothing I wasn’t expecting,” he qualified. “I’ll deal with it.”

“Maybe we can help,” Falco offered. 

Jean winced at his enthusiasm. “I really would like it,” he started, “if we could…..uh….not talk about it anymore.” He could feel his face flushing. “It’s kinda embarrassing.”

Again, he could see the silent communication that passed amongst them. It reminded of the way he, Connie, and Sasha used to be.

“How about we go out for lunch today?” he suggested. “My treat,” he sweetened the deal. “But, you gotta promise to give me a pass on the….thing this morning,” he bargained.

Gabi and Falco looked at each other inquiringly, before turning to face him suspiciously. “Your treat?” Gabi wanted it confirmed.

He laughed. “Yes, I swear,” he told her.

“Can we pick where we go?” Falco asked, suspicious. 

He wondered how much this was gonna hurt his wallet. They’re no Sasha, but it’s still a couple of teenagers with big appetites.

“Within reason,” he qualified. “I’m not taking you to a bar or some fancy restaurant that charges an arm and a leg for tiny carrots and peas.”

He heard Pieck laugh behind him. 

“You guys go ahead,” she said. “I’ve got a couple of lunch meetings today with the brass.”

“Awww,” simultaneous protests arose from both Gabi and Falco. 

Jean laughed. “We can do it another time,” he volunteered.

“No!” Pieck protested. “You guys go ahead,” she urged. “I could use some peace and quiet here in the office.”

“You sure?” he looked at her with a grin. 

“About the peace and quiet?” she replied. “Hell yeah!”

Jean grinned at her. “Alright then,” he said. “I’ll do a rain check with you,” he declared. “I did say I’ll treat you.” He looked back to Gabi and Falco. “Alright, you guys. Let’s give Pieck some much needed alone time. You guys lead the way.”

He allowed the two to pull at him, looking back quickly at Pieck to wave goodbye. 

——————————

Pieck raised her hand in response, waving goodbye to the three. She tried to ignore the sudden rapid increase of her heart rate .

_I’ll do a rain check with you._

It would be good for Gabi and Falco ro distract Jean for a little while. It was good to hear him laugh and smile at their antics. She watched them walk out of the office, half dragging Jean in their wake. 

She let out a sigh of relief. As she walked back to her office, she felt her steps slow down as she passed by Jean’s office. She was tempted to peek, to figure out what exactly put that look in his eyes, but in the end, she kept walking forward towards her office.

Not her business, she was sure. 

Whatever it was Jean had been upset about, it wasn’t about the work that they did. 

And truth be told, she already had a good idea what it could be. There was only one person whose letter could have such a drastic effect on Jean and his moods and it has been that way since he’d arrived back in the shores of Marley.

She winced, reaching for her crutch to help steady her. 

She wasn’t lying. She did have lunch meetings today and she wished she could have canceled them in order to join their small group. She wanted to assure herself that everything was OK because...she felt partially guilty.

Wasn’t she the one that told Jean to finally write to Mikasa Ackerman and express his feelings? They’d been at the pub, celebrating a small victory of sorts and Jean mentioned a particular letter from Mikasa in passing. She’d seen the flush on his cheek that had nothing to do with the amount of alcohol they’d imbibed. So she’d done what any friend would do and suggested that he finally tell her. 

All the waiting around and uncertainty….who had time to live that way?

She wasn’t sure how Mikasa would have responded. But what she was sure of was that Jean was wasting time not letting his feelings known. So that night, hadn’t she deliberately and systematically encouraged Jean to write and send his letter? His confession, per se?

And he’d done it!

She remembered him coming to the office that morning, slightly hungover, but with an excitement in his stance. Almost like a child about to open a present. And she hoped, really hoped, for him that Mikasa would reciprocate. In fact, had she been a gambling woman, she would have bet on Jean’s happy ending just based on what Jean had told her about Mikasa’s letters.

And when Mikasa did respond in kind, Jean would get his wish and she could….finally put her own feelings to rest. Because she knew...she absolutely knew that once Jean had his Mikasa, the small hope her own heart held for Jean could finally die. And she herself could finally move on. 

She wasn’t sure when she started to feel this way, but she knew it was even before his current assignment in Marley. There had been something there already when they fought Eren during the Rumbling. 

But she had ignored it. She knew he was going back to Paradis and there was nothing to come out of it given how far they lived from each other. She certainly wasn’t moving to Paradis, and he wasn’t moving to Marley.

When he was stationed in Marley, she continued to ignore it. After all, the curse of Ymir was set to claim her soon so what was the point?

By the time she fully accepted that the curse seems to have been broken, along with their ability to Titan shift, she realized that he was in love with someone else.

_Someone far,_ an insidious voice had whispered in her ear.

But someone he seemed to utterly care for. 

So again, she stepped back and ignored her feelings. But they wouldn’t go away. And they wouldn’t go away because of that one small hope her heart seemed to cling to that Jean and Mikasa were not nor will they ever be together at this rate. It clung to a possibility, a small chance.

And she wanted it nipped in the bud.

Reciprocation from Mikasa would have nipped it, she was sure.

But based on Jean’s actions late this morning, it would seem Mikasa might not have responded in the most favorable way.

Which would mean that the insane hope her heart clung to may just be flowering into a full bloom.

And while that part of her was happy that maybe, just maybe, she could finally stop ignoring her feelings, there’s also that small part of her that regrets the hurt he must feel. 

——————————

Jean went back to the office later than he expected. After lunch with the kids, he’d met up with a couple of contacts he’d been working with for one the projects regarding the ongoing rebuilding of Liberio and ended up talking longer than expected. 

“Jean!” came Pieck’s surprised yelp. “I didn’t think you’d be back here today.”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “I got some more reading to do,” he replied, scratching the back of his head. “Got kinda derailed this morning.”

She nodded in understanding. “I wish you luck,” she told him. “That’s all I did after the meetings this afternoon. If I have to read about another proposal from another newly formed committee, it would be too soon.” She yawned. “Sorry,” she commented. “Dunno why I’m so tired. It’s early.”

“It’s the reports,” he told her, “they’re such page turners.”

She laughed. “That’s it,” she agreed. She paused, and it looked like she wanted to say more, but refrained. 

He was thankful. He didn’t know what he would say if she broached the subject of this morning.

“Well, I’ll be going,” she stated. “It’s that or spend another several hours going over city codes.”

“Can’t blame you there,” he muttered. He was not looking forward to all the reading.

“Hey, do you want me to get one of the kids to bring you dinner?” she asked out of the blue. She looked at him knowingly. “I’m assuming you’re gonna be here for several more hours.”

“Really?” he asked. He did notice that he was already hungry again.

She shrugged. “I’m cooking tonight, and when I do, I usually invite them to come over anyway. I can just have one of them bring you something later.”

“You’re a lifesaver!” he exclaimed. “But wait, I owe you a meal, not the other way around.”

She waved him off. “Don’t worry about it,” she brushed off. 

“No,” he insisted. “Let me take you out for dinner,” he suggested. “Not tonight, obviously, since it looks like you and the kids have plans. But another time?”

She was silent for a moment and he tilted his head towards her in inquiry..

“Some other time,” she finally agreed, although hesitant. 

“It’s a date,” he declared enthusiastically and then blushed. What the fuck was he saying now? “I mean….I meant...you know that—“

And then she said, “OK.”

_What!?_

He looked closely at her, and this time he noticed a red flush creep up her face. What just happened? “Ummm...Pieck,” he started, embarrassed.

“You said it’s a date, right?” she asked softly.

“Yes! But I uh….”

“Do you not want to?”

“No! I mean, that’s not what I meant,” he was flustered.

“So, is it a date?”

He looked at her flabbergasted, wondering if she knew how confused he was at the moment. What just happened?

“Let me step back,” he backpedaled, looking at her with new eyes. “When I said it’s a date, I meant it...figuratively?”

“So it’s not a date?” she asked slowly, and he could see the slight edge of disappointment in her eyes.

“No! I mean, yes!” he babbled. “I mean ….do you want it to be?”

“Jean,” she looked at him closely. “I said yes.”

Right. She did.

“Oh,” he said, because he didn’t know what else to say. “Oh!”

“You’re not...involved with anyone….like this….are you?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he said quickly. “Definitely not,” he repeated. “But I was….I am...sorta getting over something. But I don’t want you to think this is some sort of—“

“Jean,” she grinned at him. “It’s just a date.”

“It’s a date,” he echoed, his eyes widening. “It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever...I mean—“

Pieck laughed kindly. “Am I going to be your first date in Marley?”

He looked at her in askance. “Yes?” he replied. “Is that...bad?”

She smiled. “No,” she answered. “Not at all.” She looked at him directly in his eyes. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Ok,” he said, dazed. “Ok then.”

And just like that, she had waved goodbye and stepped out of the building.

Leaving him staring after her in a stupor.

What the hell just happened?

——————————

She stepped out quickly before she embarrassed herself even more.

What was she thinking?

It was too soon, wasn’t it? Mikasa may have just rejected him (she couldn’t really be certain), so perhaps the wisest course of action would have been to wait. Make absolutely sure he was good and done and over with it.

But in what may be an uncharacteristic show of defiance, her mouth ran off without consulting her brain and she ended up jumping at his ill-chosen words given the circumstances.

She groaned, dragging her leg and putting a bit more weight on her crutches than usual as she crossed the street to the apartment building. She should stop thinking about it. It’s done. 

Now how to move forward.

She was going to have a dinner date sometime soon and she wanted to be prepared.

——————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize now if Pieck feels OOC? I don’t get enough from her in the anime, and that’s usually where I can dive into a character’s voice. From what I’ve read in the manga, she reminds me of Jean the way Mikasa is like Levi.


	7. Letters from Levi

Armin,

I don’t know how to answer your question about Mikasa. She sounded….lonely the last time I heard from her. Is there a particular reason you are asking me instead of her?

Levi Ackerman

——————————

Historia,

What are you hiding?

Levi

——————————

Kirstein,

You can thank me by sending me copies of the reports you’ve been getting from Hizuru.

Levi

——————————

_**Unsent letters from the desk of Levi Ackerman** _

Mikasa,

I won’t stop. 

I can’t stop. 

I know I said I’ll leave it up to you, but in this instance, you made such an incredibly shitty decision. I’m tempted to call it Eren-level stupid in terms of how bad it is. 

So I’m going to ignore it. 

Do you know how many nights I’ve reached for you in my bed, only to have nothing but memories? I have nothing of you remaining but your letters. 

Fuck you, I won’t stop. 

Don't make me.

Please, Mikasa.

Levi

——

Dear Mikasa,

I can’t believe you’re friends with Springer. He’s dirtier and messier than half the kids we watch. The fucking house is filthy. 

Levi

——

Dear Mikasa,

Armin asked how you were. Didn’t know what the fuck to say. 

You wouldn’t happen to know what would have made him reach out to me instead of you, would you?

Levi

——

Mikasa,

I try to live my life with no regrets. I make my decisions based on this one philosophy. 

But sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I wonder if I would be happier had I followed you? When you talked about that ache in your chest, I knew exactly what you meant because I’ve felt it too.

Levi

——

Mikasa,

I keep fucking seeing you around the house. Like a goddamn ghost. 

Sometimes, I even talk to you. 

I think I’m going to need a new house.

Levi

——————————


	8. The Second Interlude: Levi and Connie—a Day in Paradis

Ever since he could remember, Levi always woke up early, no matter the time sleep finally claimed him. So it came as no surprise to him when he opened his eyes before dawn’s fingers even started to crawl up in the horizon. His bedroom window was east facing, something Mikasa used to despair against, but it suited him. With the exception of when Mikasa used to stay in his room, Levi was out of bed by the time light from the sun started to peek through the curtains. And today was no different.

If anything, he was up earlier since there was a lot to do and get ready and sorted out before tomorrow. He washed his face before pulling the towel from the rack and using it to dry himself. He let out a sigh against the cloth.

While a small part of him looked forward to the trip tomorrow as it did provide him with a much needed change in scenery, a larger part of him worried about leaving the farm and the orphanage for anything longer than a day. The Brauses were excellent caretakers and he really shouldn’t worry, but knew himself enough to know that it would be futile to try otherwise.

The sound of rummaging downstairs let him know that Connie had the same idea he did. That he was no longer surprised at Connie’s initiative told him that his estimation of the man has changed over the months since he’d almost collapsed on his doorstep. He could only hope that Connie already started the tea by the time he himself went down to the kitchens.

Stifling a yawn, he walked towards his dresser to grab some clothes. He could almost hear Mikasa chide him on his lack of sleep. 

_“An old man like you,” she would smirk, “you need all the rest you can get.”_

He took a deep breath and braced himself against the dresser. Sometimes her memory was so potent, he could almost hear her voice and see her sitting up on his bed with nothing but his sheets to cover her.

_“You need to get dressed and ready, chibi, or Connie’s gonna wonder what you’re doing lollygagging this morning of all mornings,” she teased him._

He made an impatient sound and started to dress himself, ignoring the apparition behind him. It became more common now, for him to see her at various places of the house. More often than not, he ignored her. He knew she wasn’t real and he didn’t have time nor the patience to entertain a figment of his own imagination. Not when there were chores to finish, kids to train, and messes that needed cleaning. 

Once done, he walked towards his door and turned the knob. 

He heard her curl back in bed. 

_“I’ll be here when you get back,” she threw at him._

And he just couldn’t help himself. “No you won’t,” he replied. He opened the door and stepped out.

——————————

Connie winced when the oil hit him. He loved bacon, but frying it was a pain in more ways than one. He just never mastered the art of avoiding the grease when it jumped out of the pan. 

But it was worth it.

When he heard Levi move upstairs, he began brewing the tea. He knew about how much time for it took him to get ready, and the approximate amount of time for the tea to steep so that it would be ready by the time Levi got downstairs. Even the fancy tea they get from time to time from Mikasa. It is a ritual he had perfected in months of living here, on the days when it was his turn to prepare breakfast.

Cracking some eggs over the bacon grease, he continued with making breakfast and waited for Levi, ensuring the mess he made was properly cleaned up. He smirked at his domesticity. If Sasha could only see him now, she’d laugh herself silly while stuffing her face. 

Huh. 

Funny how thinking about her these days can bring an actual smile in him, rather than the usual grimness that had been his companion for so long. Another thing he owed Levi for, he guessed. 

By the time Levi appeared in the kitchen, the plate of bacon and eggs were done and the tea was ready to be poured. Their eyes met briefly as they both sat on their respective places and began eating.

“I’ll take the class work and the morning chores today,” Levi stated. “You do ODM and catch up with the Brauses. Make sure they’re good.” 

He nodded.

“Hand-to-hand?” he asked, knowing the list of things that needed to be taken care of that day. He and Levi like to alternate, a strategy to show the kids different ways of learning from different people.

“I’ll do it before you begin ODM this afternoon.”

“Sounds good,” he agreed, as he started pouring the tea into both their cups. Levi had a stash of different tea sets he had assumed were from Mikasa, but there is a particular one that he noticed earned a soft look on his former superior’s eyes. It just happened to be the one they were currently using. 

He watched as Levi held the cup delicately, almost reverently, with both hands as he drank. He made a mental note to thank Mikasa on the latest parcel she sent. Tea was one of the few things that seemed to get rid of the tenseness that defined Levi. And tea from Hizuru was heavenly.

It was always difficult to tell what Levi was thinking with the exception of those times when he was yelling or ordering the men about. It was doubly more difficult now with the amount of scarring in his face and the addition of the eye patch. 

But Connie always knew when Levi had Mikasa in mind. A lot of people would describe Connie as dim, but even he could tell that his former Captain had a soft spot for her. 

He supposed it could have to do with the tea she constantly sent.

But somehow, Connie doubted it. 

That being said, he wondered if he would have even noticed it had it not been for the photograph he’d seen in Levi’s desk. There were photos all over his office, of course, framed and hung up on the walls. It still amazed him how that works. The Brauses had mentioned Queen Historia sending someone to take some pictures of the kids in the orphanage and Levi had kept some for himself. But while the children’s photos littered the walls of Levi’s home, there was only one that was framed on his desk.

He remembered picking it up, his eyes widening at the picture of Mikasa laughing freely while sitting on the steps outside Levi’s home, all the while looking up at the man whose adoration was as plain on his face as the day was bright. 

It felt like a private moment between two people. Something that never should have been captured by an outsider.

Levi had snatched the frame from his hands and turned it down without a word. Meanwhile, Connie began to wonder. He knew Mikasa had stayed here, but he’d always assumed it was similar to what he’d been doing these past few months.

Help Levi and Historia out when he could.

Do something fulfilling while he figured out what to do with the rest of his life.

He was slow, but eventually, he thought he might have all the pieces to make a proper assessment. And in the past month of him and Levi poring over Mikasa's Hizuru reports which Jean had sent, he was pretty sure he knew how Levi felt.

Of course, there were also the letters.

Dozens of unsent letters, all addressed to Mikasa. And another pile held together by a worn bow. All (he’d assumed based on the top one) coming from Hizuru.

It wasn’t that he was spying! But when he’d gone to Levi’s office to search for a pen and paper, they were right there in the first drawer he opened. Of course, when Levi had entered his office right then and there, he’d done the guiltiest thing he could think of and shut the drawer closed—loudly. Levi had given him one of those looks while he stammered his reason (although it sounded like an excuse!) for being there in the first place.

He groaned at the memory. Levi hadn’t said a word. Just given him a look that spoke volumes. 

This was information he was sure he could do without right now. He could only imagine what Sasha’s reaction would have been. There were really times when he missed that woman. What use was an interesting bit of gossip when there was no one to share with?

He wondered if Jean was aware. That guy certainly had the most rotten luck. Having to compete with Eren during their trainee and Scouts days was bad enough, but if he knew about Levi…

That being said, maybe not? He might not care at this point in his life. His letters made it sound like he had moved on. Besides, it was probably not something Connie would be writing about.

He looked up at his mentor.

Nope. He certainly would NOT be writing about him.

He and Levi finished their meal almost at the same time and Levi began putting the dishes in the sink to wash. 

Another ritual. The one who cooks did not wash the dishes.

Connie gave Levi a nod before heading out to begin the day. They would catch up that evening.

——————————

The afternoon sun was merciless today, and training the older children in hand to hand combat would probably have best been arranged in the morning. But it was done now and Levi looked forward to the cold shower he planned to get the grime off him and a possible hot bath afterwards to help relax his mind a bit.

When he entered his home, he knew he was alone. Connie was busy with ODM and the kids so he had a few blessed hours to himself to unwind.

_“You look tired,” she observed. “They’re kids, Levi. No need to overdo it yet,” she reprimanded._

He wondered if she appeared before him out of some psychological necessity. There were days when he wished he had Hange or even Moblit to help him make sense of it. She started appearing after her letters stopped, after all.

As he was wont to do, he ignored her and headed to his bedroom, he was filthy and needed to get cleaned. He didn’t need any distractions tonight. When he finished his shower, he ran the bath, dragging the kettles of boiling water to the tub and mixing it for the perfect temperature. By the time he finally soaked his body in the tub and leaned his head back, he was ready for the day to end. 

He was packed. Had been since the night before. He was pretty sure Connie was as well. All he needed to do was actually get a good night’s sleep—but he had never been good at that. 

He felt her arms wrap around him from behind.

_“You slept well enough with me,” she murmured against his ear, her breath was a soft caress._

And he held himself as still as he possibly could. 

He knew she wasn’t real, but this...this was a real enough memory. One of many he savored and cherished. An intimate moment between them. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment of indulgence before quickly tamping down on his desires.

“Go away,” he growled, his voice sounding desperate even to his ears. 

He felt her arms withdraw.

_“As you wish,” she acquiesced._

And she was gone.

And he wasn’t sure whether to celebrate or despair.

He bowed his head down in his hands.

He will conquer this. He had to.

They leave at first light tomorrow. He needed to get some sleep.

But somehow, he doubted he would get any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Torturing my male characters has become a habit / pastime. I think I need some help 😂


	9. Letters from Historia

Dear Mikasa,

Where to start?

What have you done? Connie tells me Levi got good and stinking drunk one night—something I would have thought was impossible to accomplish given your Ackerman bloodline. He wouldn’t mention any particulars, but he asked me point blank if there’s a reason Levi would be upset at you. He’s apparently even more of an asshole than usual.

Along the same lines, I’ve heard from Armin and he’s asking some questions about you and your well-being. We both know that Armin has a way of finding things out either by just having that brain of his, or he could have heard things during his travels with Annie. Wish me luck dodging that bullet.

Speaking of which, you’re right about Jean. He should be informed of the possible treaty. I will also make sure I mention it to him in my letters. I will leave the details to your discretion.

I remain committed to our plan, but sometimes, I have doubts whether we should have kept it within such a small circle. You, me, Hitch, and Lady Azumabito will have a lot to answer for if this goes awry.

Concerned,  
Historia 

——————————

Dear Jean,

First off, I want to apologize. When I teased you about Mikasa, I had not realized you were seeing Pieck Finger in Marley. I would never disrespect you or Pieck in such a way had I known. I just really wish you had told me as it would have saved me (and you!) some embarrassment.

Secondly, and this is not me pushing Mikasa to you again, you should be aware that there’s a somewhat complicated treaty in the works with Hizuru. I recommend you pay close attention to any of the reports Mikasa is sending, as she will be one of the primary contributors towards its drafting and implementation. At least be aware of the possible impact on our own trade agreements with Marley and let me know of any concerns you might have.

Sincerest,  
Historia

——————————

Levi,

I’m not sure I understand?

Historia

——————————

Armin, 

I hope this letter finds you well.

Mikasa has been hard at work not just with trade negotiations but also a somewhat intricate treaty between Hizuru and Paradis. I’m told that you are heading to Marley. Jean should have some details about it, as Mikasa sends him copies of her reports. Let him know that you are more than welcome to have a look at them.

That being said, your previous letter had a tone of concern for Mikasa which tells me that something is worrying you. Would you care to elaborate?

Curious,  
Historia

——————————

Dear Connie, 

Levi’s always been a difficult man to deal with. I am sure you can find a way to weather this particular phase.

Wishing you all the luck in the world,  
Historia

——————————

_**Unsent drafts from the desk of HRH Historia Reiss** _

Mikasa,

I think you failed to mention a small detail to me in regards to a certain general. I don’t like being caught unawares.

——————————

Levi,

I’m sorry. I think we’re in over our heads—

Levi,

I should have told you about Mikasa, but I didn’t realize you were—

——————————


	10. The Third Interlude: Historia and Hitch—a Day in Mitras

The moment Hitch opened her eyes in the morning, her day was determined, and it revolved around the Queen. If someone had told her back in her trainee days that she would be able to find fulfillment in the service of her Queen and Paradis, she would have told them that must have gotten her wires crossed with Freudenberg. That idealistic sap fit the mold better.

Yet here she was, playing all the roles her Queen asked of her. From servant to lady, soldier to spy, friend and confidante, she did them all. And she was damn good at it. 

When her Queen had first asked her to arrange a confidential meeting with one Mikasa Ackerman, she made sure it happened. When her Queen asked that she stay for the said meeting, she stayed for the intrigue. But as she listened to the Queen outline her hopes for Paradis and Hizuru, and the role she and Mikasa were to play should they agree, she felt a lock click in place.

She had been lost for so long, perhaps since the day Floch had confronted her about Marlo’s death. But the Queen’s plan, and her own role in it, gave her a purpose. It gave meaning to her waking moments. And at last, she ceased to be lost. And she was content.

This morning, however, felt different. She wondered if she overdid it with the coffee they had recently begun importing from Marley. Today, she felt...jittery. Like she was waiting for something. An event. Anything. It was that icky feeling in the back of your neck.

She trusted her instincts. I had saved her neck plenty of times throughout her life. So instead of going out into town and listening for pertinent information today, she stayed at the palace. Specifically, she stayed at the OHRHQP. There was a ton of mail and they needed sorting after all.

As she went through the usual correspondences to the OHRHQP and Historia’s own personal ones, she began separating the ones which Historia would need to personally address and ones that she would take care of herself. The work, though required, was tedious. More than anything, she wished she could do what Levi did and pawn the whole thing off to a minion. But alas, the most tedious and time consuming part of her job is the only one that cannot be assigned to anyone else.

Too much sensitive information. 

And honestly, she wished Mikasa would be more careful with her words. Half the things she’d had to redact were Mikasa’s reports.

But today, Hitch was determined. 

Today was the day she was going to catch up with all the letters. Come hell or high water.

Still, she couldn’t get rid of that feeling. It was going to drive her nuts til she went to bed, she knew. And her hope of these letters taking her mind off it was futile.

So when darkness finally forced her eyes to start squinting at her work, she decided to call it a day. She had enough letters for Historia to go through and enough reports for some light reading that evening. 

She locked up the office and started towards Historia’s room. She would drop off the letters before calling for dinner and turning in for the night.

Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

As she opened the door to Historia’s chambers, she began to kick herself for even hoping and therefore jinxing herself. As she felt the edge of a blade on her throat held by someone behind her, she looked up to see the visage of the most well-known devil of Paradis.

She had a feeling her and Historia’s luck may have just hit a snag.

——————————

Waking up as Queen was never Historia’s dream.

Love, and a family of her own to love, had always been more inline with what she had been hoping for. The result of an uncaring mother and more than a few memory manipulation, she thought.

But, she did her duty for Paradis. Allowed men to use her bloodline in their games. Agreed to acts against her personal desires and even initiated decisions against her well-being. All for Paradis.

But also all for the well being of her friends, a term she had come to associate with the group from her trainee days.

When the men she trusted to save her friends all died, and one of her friends chose the unthinkable that resulted in the world they live in now, she began to have doubts on the merits of her path. If even sacrifice on her part didn’t save the people she cared for, then what use was she in the role she had agreed to play?

Ymir would be so disappointed.

So she planned.

And plotted.

She surrounded herself with people of her own choice whom she could trust, and ensured she knew exactly who the ones were whom she didn’t.

The treaty with Hizuru would strengthen Paradis and advance them by leaps and bounds. It was an agreement she had wanted since the days before the Rumbling, and it was one of her biggest disappointments that it didn’t come to pass. If equal trade was not enough, she had to determine what would bring them back to the table.

So before that ship sailed to Hizuru, she and Mikasa had an agreement and a plan. At that time, it was nebulous. Something about building a good relationship and garnering good will. But as with all plans, complications arose. They certainly had not expected one of the Hizuru clans to attempt several assassinations of the royal family nor had they expected that Mikasa’s Ackerman qualities would actually have to be put in play in their efforts to protect the said royal family.

The plan had evolved and they had to keep up.

Mikasa was one of those. While originally a pretext in Lady Azumabito’s plan, Mikasa Ackerman was a bargaining chip that was now apparently worth something to Hizuru as much as the coveted ice burst crystals. And with Mikasa’s full knowledge and cooperation, she had both in play at the board. She had thought to include Levi at one point, but Mikasa had been….very adamant that Levi be left alone. That he would not play the game, nor would his personality and philosophy be suited for such a role. 

_Let him rest. He deserves it after everything._

Historia had looked at Mikasa’s determined face then and realized that they both had the same desire. Protect their friends, protect Paradis, but also find their own path.

But the original plan, the one entailing the treaty and the possible merger of the two nations under one, that was still alive and well. And, if any of the communiques were to be trusted, that part was also about to be very public in private circles they surrounded themselves with. It was only a matter of time.

When she woke up this morning as Queen, and spent her day addressing her people, her thoughts were elsewhere. She and Hitch needed to catch up at the end of the day. A working dinner may be in order again this evening.

As she walked towards her quarters, she was thinking of having the servants bring the meals to her room when a movement to her side made her jump. The moon was bright, its sheen giving light to her dimly lit room. With a knife on her hand, Mikasa was quite a good influence when it came to having hidden weapons, she turned slowly to the source of her instincts screaming bloody murder and found Hitch and Connie sitting tensely by her makeshift parlor.

“Historia,” Levi’s voice floated behind her.

How did he do that?

She didn’t see nor hear him until he said her name.

“We need to talk,” he bit out, his voice holding a barely contained violence that made her step back.

She turned to him slowly and watched him the way one would watch a dangerous animal.

Some part of her had been expecting this. Despite Mikasa’s assurances, she knew it was only a matter of time before one of their letters caught up with them. In fact, due to his proximity, she had expected it to be Levi to confront them first. She had hoped it would be someone else because she had a feeling Levi would be able to see through all the pretexts and roadblocks she and Mikasa had put in place.

She let out a breath she’d been holding and attempted to even her breath. She put her knife away. She had prepared for this. There was a reason she didn’t burn all of Mikasa’s reports. It was going to be a long night.

She looked back at Hitch to make sure her friend was well. Hitch gave her a nonchalant shrug, but she can tell even in this dimly lit room that she was tense and alert.

“Levi,” she had to try, she owed Mikasa that much, “she doesn’t want you to interfere.” 

_Let him rest._

Her gaze never wavered from that eye that looked at her with such intensity. She didn’t have to state Mikasa’s name. “In fact, she has made every effort to make sure that you’re not part of this,” she claimed softly. And she can see the hurt that swept past his eye, before it was quickly hidden. 

This was a miscalculation in her part. She had been so intent on getting Jean to admit his feelings to Mikasa and sweep her away from the agreements, she had failed to see something that should have been clear to her in the beginning. 

_Let him rest._

Mikasa always did play her cards close to her chest.

“What do you hope to accomplish with this?” she asked, curious. 

He gave her a hard stare.

“I’m begging you,” she tried again. “Please go home and forget you were ever here.”

And she could see he wasn’t having it.

“You must be out of your goddamn mind,” he said, his voice even, belying the fire she could see in his eye.

“Levi,” she tried to reason, “I’m asking you one last time to please, leave it alone.”

“Are you commanding me?” he demanded. “Are you commanding me as the Queen of Paradis?”

A quick internal debate told her that it wouldn’t matter. She could command, and he would find another way to get what he came for. 

She sighed resignedly. “No,” she said softly. And she could see the noticeable softening in his stance.

Mikasa was not going to like this. 

And she was going to have to let her know this development as soon as possible.

For now, she could at least hold down the tide for as long as she can. She could give Levi the information he seemed to desperately want. At this point, there wasn’t any reason to hide it. 

“Can I least call for dinner?” she offered. She was starving after all. “Hitch and I were going to have a working dinner tonight anyway. Another two won’t be any trouble.”

“My Queen—“ Hitch’s voice was full of warning. 

And she could see Levi shoot a murderous look at her friend.

“It’s ok, Hitch,” she said evenly. “We can’t have them running half-cocked to Hizuru and endangering Mikasa in the process.” Her words were a warning and based on the look on Levi’s face, he got the message loud and clear.

She would give him information he came here for.... but at this point, there’s really very little he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 138–I can’t even....
> 
> Please don’t mind me as I curl up in a corner and live in a dream where this didn’t happen.


	11. Select Letters Between Jean and Mikasa

Dear Jean,

Kiyomi-sama says I must learn to paint because a lady must know all the arts.

I told her I would rather gouge my eyes out with a paintbrush than draw another mountain scene she had requested. 

She was not amused.

Please send me your artwork, as Gabi and Falco tell me that you are quite competent. I will pass it off as mine and she can stop making me stare at mountains. They are not very interesting.

Unartistically inclined,

Mikasa Ackerman, with both eyes intact, but just barely.

——————————

Mikasa,

No, you can’t have my stuff. And Gabi and Falco absolutely do not know what they’re talking about. I’m not fucking competent, I’m goddamn amazing.

Take your lessons (punishment) like a good little ambassador / soldier and suck it up. I will be writing to Lady A. to let her know that you apparently have enough time to complain.

I am too busy for this shit.

Jean, who’s definitely not enabling your attempt at cheating.

PS, as another solution, perhaps remind Lady A. that you’re not a lady and that you eat those things for breakfast.

——————————

Dear Jean,

I am laughing, but crying inside. 

The lessons in courtesies and court life continue. Tell me why it is again that Historia offered me a role in a place steeped with tradition I know nothing about? Just when I think I know all there is to know about assimilating into the culture, they throw a wrench into my understanding and once again I find myself floundering.

There’s too many rules to remember and have to be followed, just because I happen to have to interact with the royal family. 

It’s stifling.

All joking aside, I believe Kiyomi-sama plans to keep me here as her eternal student. Not a bad future, perhaps, living in a large estate and having servants go about my every whim? 

Tired,  
Mikasa 

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Clarify something for me.

You have servants? Like now?

You….live in a large estate? With servants?

Jean, who’s starting to feel that maybe he got the raw end of the deal here.

——————————

Jean,

Yes, yes.

Yes and yes.

The estate is truly breathtaking. I thought I told you about it previously?

And really, Jean. How else am I to keep up with all the studies the Azumabito siblings have me do, my duties as an ambassador, and required attendance with the royal family? Of course there are servants.

Don’t you have them as well?

Perplexed,  
Mikasa

——————————

Mikasa,

No, you spoiled brat. 

Jean

——

Dear Mikasa,

Now I’m curious. What exactly do the servants do for you? I think I’m gonna have to file a complaint with the OHRHQP about this.

Jean

——————————

Jean,

Look, horse-face, I cannot believe you’ve had me resort to name-calling. So unoriginal as well. I think I hear Levi’s voice in there.

They actually do a lot for me, and I’m quite grateful for their presence. It’s so different from when we used to be in the Scouts. I don’t think there are enough hours in the day to get everything done.

The treaty negotiations have been quite….trying. But I want them to be right. Because In the end, they are my work. Mine and Historia’s. It’s almost like it’s our child.

Drained,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Princess Mikasa,

Well, I guess I should thank you for gracing me with your time and responding to my letters. 

Your servant,  
Jean 

——————————

You’re a horse’s ass, Jean.

Stop taking your shitty mood out on me.

And FYI, you’ve finally found a title I really dislike more than anything.

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

I’m sorry.

Jean

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

I really am sorry.

Jean

——————————

Mikasa, please.

I don’t know what else I can write.

“Horse-face” got the better of me and you were right in that I was in a mood at that time—although I honestly can no longer recall why.

Talk to me.

Rather, write.

Regretful,  
Jean

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

At least let me know you’re OK and not dead on a ditch somewhere. You’re starting to worry me.

Jean

——————————

The person you are trying to reach is very busy and does not have the time nor energy to grace you with her notable wit, nor does she have the inclination to forgive at the moment.

Be assured, however, that she’s not dead in a ditch somewhere (no matter how tempting a fate it might be at the moment).

From the desk of Mikasa Ackerman 

——————————

What’s wrong, Mikasa?

Concerned,  
Jean

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Do you know why I love writing to you and reading your letters?

For a small part of my day, I am privileged to connect with someone who started where I did in Shadis’s camp, and have ended up in a parallel role that I have. Someone who understands where I came from, and where I am, and maybe even where I’m going. Someone who’ll call me out on my bullshit and keep me honest.

There aren’t a lot of people who fulfill even half this list, Mikasa. And you check every one of them.

So, Goddamit, Mikasa. 

Talk to me. Insult me. Call me Jean-bo or whatever. Wait, forget that last one. 

I miss you and your snark.

Pieck already thinks I’m moping and has threatened to kick me to the curb if I don’t get out of this funk. She thinks I must have done something so horrible for you to still be upset.

Your friend,  
Jean

——————————

I’m sorry, Jean.

I’m guilty too. 

This is where I become trite and tell you that it's not you, it’s me. I have ….a lot on my plate right now. And I’m very mentally exhausted.

Give me some time.

I’ll catch up with you soon.

Mikasa

PS. Tell Pieck thanks for taking my side. She must know you well.

——————————

Goddamit, Mikasa.

You women always stick together.

Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

I’m celebrating. 

And by celebrating, I mean I’m turning in early and nurturing a bottle of sake. I don’t think I’ve retired this early in forever and I actually have time for my correspondences instead of falling in a heap once I get into my quarters.

Kiyomi-sama, Historia, and I have ironed out another minuscule detail in this treaty from hell and I’m calling it a win for now. On to the next detail tomorrow.

Someone please shoot me.

But, I digress.

I’ve gotten a bit philosophical these days so you’ll have to forgive this somewhat rambling letter.

I’ve started thinking about the actual worth of a person’s life. And because we’re people, one person can be worth more than another’s. It’s not always quite as quantifiable as we’d like it to be either. 

Take Eren, for example. We all decided at one point that his life was worth more than all the Scouts that died in an attempt to retrieve him either from being kidnapped or from his own foolishness. But then during the Rumbling, a group of us also decided that his life wasn’t worth all the lives he was about to kill. I guess I wonder….when did the scales tip against his favor? Was there a particular number of lives about to be destroyed that finally convinced us to stop trying to save him?

I don’t know why I thought about Eren tonight. I haven’t for a long time. Perhaps it’s the sake. It’s got three dead snakes curled up in the bottle with it. 

Introspective,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

First, I don’t want to make light of your thoughts, but are you….well?

Second, why the fuck does your alcohol have three fucking dead snakes in it?

Jean

PS. Some people will always be more important than others, depending on your perspective. You know this. You’ve always had a limited number of people you cared for.

Lucky for us, we’re not Historia. Because of who she is, the people she cares for may not be the ones she can prioritize.

——————————

Dear Jean,

Yes, lucky us.

But just so I’m clear, are you saying that by virtue of being part of the ruling class, then who you care about can no longer be as important as the people you rule? It’s just how it is so they just might as well accept their fate?

Interested,  
Mikasa

——————————

Mikasa,

It’s the price you pay for being that important and having that power.

But why are we even talking about this? Is Historia giving you fits again?

Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

Historia likes me. She wouldn’t give me fits.

I’m not sure how she feels about you, though. Has she been bothering you recently?

Mikasa

PS. She did send me an article from Marley recently. Gabi and Falco look so tall now. And….you and Pieck look lovely together, Jean. You must be so proud of the work that you both do.

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

We are. We’ve worked really hard for some of those initiatives and it’s good to see them pay off.

Pieck, Gabi, and Falco….I’m not sure what I would have done here without them. I mean…. You, more than anyone, know how hard it is to start anew in a place different from your home.

We’ve both been lucky in that we’ve found people that supported us in our work and that we didn’t have to do it alone.

And I’ve….well, I’ve been doubly lucky that Pieck even looked at me and gave me a chance.

Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

I can’t believe I’m going to write this.

But I’m….jealous.

I’m jealous of Pieck and I’m jealous of you. And sometimes it eats at me.

I see or imagine you and Pieck, and I find that I want that. I want someone to share my life’s work with. Someone to be at my side when I struggle, someone to support me when I need it, someone whom I can do the same for.

After Eren, I was so intent on finding my own path that, for better or worse, I’ve discarded people and others along the way.

And now, amidst all these treatise and negotiations and compromises that I work through in front of me, I wonder whether what I gave up is worth it. It wasn’t until I saw you and Pieck, and I’ve heard you talk about her and your work, that I realized that I wanted the same.

Shit.

Thanks, Kirstein. I can’t believe you’ve actually succeeded (without even trying) of making me envy your life.

Mikasa

——————————

Have you ever loved anyone, Mikasa? 

And I’m not talking about Eren or even Armin. 

Jean

——————————

Yes. 

I don’t think it’s for me. 

Mikasa

——————————

Ha! 

Who was it?

No, don’t tell me. I don’t wanna know.

Your shitty taste in men is so fucking legendary (Yes, I’m talking about Yeager, so get over it), it’ll just piss me off to know.

Anyway, Mikasa, what makes you think it’s not for you? Or that you can’t have it in the future?

Confused,  
Jean

PS. It wasn’t Floch, was it? 

——————————

For Sina’s sake, Jean, I almost choked on my goddamn tea reading your fucking letter.

And now I am cussing more than I want. 

You talk of my shitty taste. Why don’t I talk about luck instead.

You said we were lucky to have people around to help us with our roles. You said you were doubly lucky that Pieck had given you a chance.

Well, with the way my luck is running, I’ll end up marrying a nice man of good standing from a decent family. We’ll have at least two children, because that’s what’s expected, and eventually grow apart in our diverse interests.

So perhaps instead of love, I’ll marry based on societal expectations.

Cynically,  
Mikasa

——————————

You won’t do it, Mikasa.

That’s not you.

The Mikasa Ackerman I know balks at societal expectations and spits on their faces!

Stop trying to make me feel sorry for you and a hypothetical future that is so far removed from reality, you might as well tell me you’re about to marry Levi.

Speaking of which, before I forget, why is Levi asking me for copies of Hizuru reports? Why doesn’t he ask you? Or did he ask you and knowing how contrary you are, you said “no” out of spite?

You didn’t try to kill him again before you left, did you? I swear, Mikasa, you gotta let go of this grudge.

Now I have to figure out how to get copies of all your fucking long reports to send to the man because, dammit, I owe him for Springer.

Irate,  
Jean

PS, I noticed that you didn’t deny my comment about Floch….

——————————

Dear Jean,

Where to goddamn start?

1\. You’re a moron.

2\. I guess I should say “thank you”? For the vote of confidence? It surprisingly made me feel better, despite your less than stellar delivery.

3\. Also, I’m glad he didn’t ask me for the reports because, yes, I would have ignored it!

Not sorry,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

I think I owe you an apology. I’ve been going over our last correspondences and I don’t think I’ve acted in good faith or been a decent friend.

You talked about your feelings and your hopes for the future. You talked about wanting what Pieck and I have and being jealous.

And I was at such a loss. 

I didn’t know how to respond. 

And in the end, I made light of everything, and in the process, perhaps made light of something that was important to you. Important enough to write to someone whom you thought might be able to help.

I’m sorry. 

I want you to know that I’m here. If you should need anything.

Always,  
Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

It wasn’t important. I didn’t know what I was saying.

Please, let’s forget?

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

No. I won’t make the same mistake.

Talk to me, Mikasa. I will listen this time, I promise.

Always,  
Jean

——————————

Jean,

They let me fly an aircraft today. 

It’s a smaller version of their flying boat, it only allows for two people. I’ve been going to the airfield to watch the engineers test it this past couple of months and they’ve been kind enough to show me how it works.

But those few minutes when I was in the air, higher up and faster than I’ve ever been even with ODM….it’s the closest I can get to feeling that freedom Eren seemed to want so much.

Kiyomi-sama was not happy.

But it was worth it.

Head still up in the clouds,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

That sounds….exciting and fun and liberating...and fucking dangerous. I can’t believe they fucking let you fly a goddamn experimental plane that the engineers are still working on. What the fuck were you thinking?

But if you think for one moment that this will distract me from what we are still not done talking about, you are in for a disappointment.

I’m still waiting on you to tell me what happened to make you so….pessimistic over your life. Are you not happy with all you’ve accomplished these almost two years in Hizuru? Aren’t you satisfied with the work that you do?

Frustrated,  
Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

We’re friends, right?

If you find out later that I kept something from you, something that has no impact to you personally or on the work that you do in Marley, but does have an impact on Hizuru, will you forgive me?

As for our other conversation which you insist is not over, can you give me some time? 

I’m in the middle of another one of those negotiations between Historia and the royal family and I’m….so tired. I don’t think Historia pays me enough for this.

Speaking of which, do you ever wonder about the value of a person? What makes what we do important enough that the OHRHQP gives us a stipend to continue doing it? And if or when our roles change, what is the compensation based on? The same person doing the work? Or the new role and responsibilities?

Probably an odd question. But this treaty gets down to that details in several aspects. For example, in the role of the engineers that Historia demands Hizuru provide in order to help usher Paradis to even more technological advancements.

Apprehensive,  
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

There is probably nothing in this world that you can do that I won’t be able to forgive you for. You have been my closest friend and confidante these past year or so. 

We’re friends, and friends don’t necessarily have to tell each other everything. So, keep your secrets if you want. But the moment they become too heavy, and you need someone to talk to, I am here.

Yours,  
Jean

——————————

Dear Jean,

I hope so.

Thank you, Jean.

Mikasa

——————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re halfway done!


	12. The Fourth Interlude: Mikasa and Kiyomi—a Day in Hizuru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some exposition under the guise of dialogue.

The day began before dawn.

Sensei expected that she would have completed her morning katas by the time the first ray of light broke through the windows, illuminating the training hall with more than just the dimly lit bulbs.

She didn’t mind. It was a routine she adapted quite well. It allowed her time to clear her thoughts, the fluid movement of her body was now so innate, it allowed her mind to find tranquility. She had advanced in the discipline in what they considered to be a short amount of time and she can tell that her sensei was quite pleased with the progress.

The Azumabitos were quite a determined lot.

Ever since she stepped foot in their estate, a concerted effort was made to ensure she was familiar with their culture and traditions. With their emblem having three swords, perhaps it came as no surprise that the art of fighting played a big role in their daily lives. Both armed and unarmed combat training were expected of her. 

And Mikasa Ackerman was a prodigy when it came to both. 

When she wasn’t fulfilling her ambassadorial role and whatever role was asked by her clan and the imperial family, the rest of her time was dedicated to lessons from either Lady Kiyomi or her brother. The division of labor between the two was one of the first things she had gotten used to upon her arrival. While Kiyomi’s brother, Toshiro-Sensei, focused on ensuring that she became proficient in the Hizuru martial arts, with an emphasis on Azumabito techniques, Kiyomi herself handled the rest of familiarizing her with the nation whose technology far surpasses that of Paradis and in some instances even Marley. Hange would have loved it. 

And so would Armin. She wished he could see some of the wonders she’d seen. And maybe someday he will. Especially now that he’s not on borrowed time.

There were aspects of the technology that fascinated her, mainly their practical purposes, but the hows and the whys were lessons she wished she could skip. Kiyomi, however, was determined that she had a well-rounded education—something she was appalled to discover was quite lacking when Mikasa had told her what her school in Paradis had been like.

She really needed to know when to keep quiet about certain aspects of her upbringing. 

That being said, there were lessons from Lady Kiyomi that she enjoyed because it reminded her of the things her own mother had begun introducing to her prior to her murder.

“Mikasa.”

She looked up from her musings and found Lady Kiyomi looking at her inquiringly. Having finished her morning exercises, she had opted to sit by the koi pond before heading inside the main building to have breakfast with the Azumabitos. 

“You’re always up so early,” she stated.

Mikasa smiled. “Habit,” she replied, before tilting her head in inquiry.

“Well, everyone appears to be up early today,” Lady Kiyomi informed her. “Breakfast will be ready soon.”

“We are expected at the palace today, I’m told,” Mikasa said while nodding in acknowledgement.

“Yes,” Kiyomi replies. “I believe the family would like to discuss certain details of this next round of offer they had sent to your Queen.”

She gave a mirthless laugh. “Would they like my opinion of it?” she asked rhetorically with a sardonic look.

Kiyomi raised a brow. “Would you actually give it to them, if asked?”

Mikasa remained quiet.

“I would think that they only want to ensure that you are a willing participant,” Kiyomi finally said, breaking the silence. “The princes were very insistent,” she told her wryly. 

“That’s because they like me,” she replied drolly. “I did, after all, help save their lives.”

Kiyomi gave her a knowing look. “Of course,” Kiyomi agreed. “But these matters are always much better when all parties are in agreement.” She paused, considering what she was about to say next. “Mikasa, it is your life, and that of your future children, that are being discussed.”

“You make it sound like some sort of enslavement,” Mikasa returned softly. 

“That’s because it is,” Kiyomi retorted, “if the choice wasn’t yours to make.”

“I will live in the lap of luxury,” she countered flippantly, “my every whim granted.”

Kiyomi gave her an impatient look. “Because that’s so very important you,” she returned sarcastically. “More like you will live in a very beautiful cage,” Kiyomi clarified, “one partially of your own making.”

Mikasa looked at her in askance. “Are you, by any chance,” she reproached, “trying to talk me out of this? You know that there is nothing to talk out of yet, right? It’s all just pieces of paper with….very strong recommendations.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing may even come out of it. Paradis has a LOT of ice burst crystals.”

“Do not be so nonchalant about this,” Kiyomi sighed and approached her, to stand next to her on the edge of the pond. “I may not be your mother,” Kiyomi began, “but Toshiro and I have come to think of you as family.” She gave her a sideways glance. “I’m not entirely sure when you and Historia concocted up the plan to unite the two countries, but I’m sure the plan has evolved. I am also equally certain that you have not really thought out what it means when Historia first asked you to consider this.”

“To be fair,” Mikasa conceded, “I’m not sure Historia considered the Ackerman bloodline as a commodity. We had only seen my Asian heritage as an advantage in promoting a good relationship with Hizuru.”

“Which was a fantastic idea, I might add,” she preened. 

“Your idea,” Mikasa chided.

Kiyomi acknowledged with a nod. “You were a pretext initially back in the day,” she admitted, “but you were always of interest to the Azumabitos once we saw the mark in your wrist. When Historia started broaching the subject of having a representative, I couldn’t think of a better candidate that the people of Hizuru would be willing to accept.” She looked up into the horizon. “We’re quite a….an interesting lot. So eager to move to the future with all our advancements, yet so determined to hold on to the old ways and keeping with our traditions.”

“It’s part of what makes Hizuru beautiful,” Mikasa observed. “The juxtaposition.”

Kiyomi looked at her, and met her eyes steadily. “You represent part of that,” Kiyomi informed her, her voice taking on an urgent tone. “The royal family is young, born out of a conflict they won only 20 years ago. Your lineage….our lineage is old, and you are a direct descendant of a beloved lost shogun. From that heritage, you and Historia must see why the royal family would be interested in taking you into their clan. It would solidify their claim to rule, to have such an old name.”

Mikasa stared steadily at the koi pond.

“Add that to your Ackerman bloodline,” Kiyomi continued, “which they saw first hand during the invasion of the palace. Most of them would be dead without you, Mikasa. And you defended them at great personal risk without thought to your own safety.”

“I thought of my safety,” she protested.

Kiyomi rolled her eyes. “Don’t be obtuse,” she commanded. “Allowing yourself to get shot at and stabbed with a poison-dipped blade is not what I would call playing it safe.” 

“Allowing is a strong word,” she interrupted. “I didn’t offer myself up to get hurt.”

Kiyomi took a deep breath. “You didn’t follow protocol and hide like you were supposed to, either!” Kiyomi cried harshly. “There were guards whose sole duty was to stand between you and a firearm or a sword. In fact, there are guards that are supposed to do the exact same thing for the royal family. YOU are not a royal guard.”

“Kiyomi-sama,” Mikasa said gently, “Why are we discussing this? You know why I fought. The option of hiding was out of the table the moment we realized we were betrayed. Hiashi-sama and I had to join the fight to ensure the safety of the rest.”

“That one is another idealistic fool that needs reprimanding. But I digress.” She collected herself. “Mikasa, I saw what the hall looked like in the aftermath, when the rest of the royal guards were finally able to breach the doors,” her voice was low. “As detailed as the unedited report we sent to Historia was, there’s no comparison to actually seeing the carnage. The only reason that coup did not succeed was because they had no idea what going against an Ackerman entailed. And now, the only ones who are witness to your skills are either dead, sworn to secrecy as royal guards, or the royal family themselves.”

“Is there a point to this trip down memory lane?” Mikasa asked, her lips a tight line.

“I’m trying to make you understand something here that I don’t think you and Historia considered.” She let out an exasperated breath. “You have two bloodlines that can be used to help stabilize our nation even more for generations to come—one through love and one through fear. Hizuru has been so wary of the outside world that there’s no one else here that has the same mixed heritage. Have you and Historia considered that instead of being just one of the commodities the royal family would like to get their hands on from Paradis, that you and your two bloodlines may actually be the most important one at this point of your little game?”

Mikasa gave a derisive laugh. “This is ridiculous,” she exclaimed. “I’m an outsider!” 

“You don’t look like one,” Kiyomi stated pragmatically. “And sometimes, that’s what matters.” She paused. “You and Historia both want to unite two different and isolated nations,” Kiyomi was trying to lead her to a conclusion. “The price isn’t always about resources.” She sighed. “Mikasa, Mikasa. You know I have tried to arrange for a suitable match for you here. I’ve always wanted you to stay and it is your sheer stubbornness that has partially led to our current predicament. In fact, I know that even Historia was plotting something in this regard! If you had just married one of the candidates I’d chosen, your name would not be in this treaty the way it is. Hizuru would already consider you ours.”

“That puts Historia at a weaker bargaining point, with only Meera or herself to tie to the royal family,” Mikasa pointed out.

“Maybe,” Kiyomi agreed, “but who you, Mikasa Ackerman, marry wouldn’t be up to a piece of paper. How many children you have and what roles they play for both Paradis and Hizuru would not be dictated by a piece of paper. You would be….free.” Kiyomi looked at her closely. “There are only a certain limited number of people I care for, Mikasa. And I don’t for one second believe that Historia ever wanted you to suffer the same fate she has now.”

Her breaths were shallow. There was nothing Kiyomi was telling her that she hadn’t extensively gone over in her mind, and some it even in her letters to Historia.

“If there’s anything I learned from the Rumbling, Kiyomi-san,” she gritted quietly, “it’s that no one is ever truly free. As long as there are people we care for, nations we’re loyal to, we will always have bonds that tie us.”

Kiyomi was silent, before giving her a concerned look. “You need to be prepared,” she finally said flatly. “Prepared for the consequences should you and Historia get the unification you’ve been striving for. Because I can almost guarantee that the price will be especially steep not only for both nations, but for you and Historia as well.” Kiyomi took both her hands. “You young people these days,” she said resignedly. “You think so optimistically.”

Mikasa squeezed Kiyomi’s hand in assurance. “Thank you for your support, Kiyomi-sama .” She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss in her forehead. “I wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do without you or Sensei’s guidance.” She gave her a grin. “And when, pray tell, have I ever been the optimistic one here?”

Kiyomi responded seriously. “Right now. You’re the optimistic one right this moment. You don’t think the royal family will pick you over the over abundance of resources that Padadis can offer.”

“Correction,” Mikasa wanted to clarify, “I don’t think the advisers will agree to Historia’s demands should the royal family insist on my being part of the bargain. Historia will put quite an enormous caveat in my involvement, you see. Especially now that we know they are also interested in the Ackerman line.” She tucked Kiyomi’s hands under her arm and started leading her back to the Main House. “Why don’t we break our fast,” she suggested. “We’ll need all our energies if we’re expected at the palace today.”

She felt, more than saw, Kiyomi let out a deep sigh. “As you wish,” she said, allowing herself to be led.

——————————

Kiyomi Azumabito was a business woman at heart. She had to be from a young age, in order for her family to keep the roof over their head. With a brother more interested in family traditions and the martial arts, it fell to her to ensure that they kept their estate and their heads above water.

These days, she spent her waking moments drafting trade agreements with Paradis and ensuring Mikasa’s continuing education. It was no secret between her and her also childless brother that they are considering her as their heir. While there were distant relatives they could tap into, they had grown fond of the girl and truly believed she would be an asset in furthering the family name. 

The imperial royal family, however, was throwing a wrench into their plans. 

For the umptheenth time that month, she bemoaned Mikasa’s stubbornness. This would be so easy were she already married. Adoption papers could be arranged, making her or even just her children Azumabito heirs. Treaty negotiations between Paradis and Hizuru could be limited to actual resources and only one marital alliance—so old fashioned if one were to ask her!

But that imperial family. So troublesome!

She could practically see the wheels turn in their proverbial heads when they met Mikasa. And she could definitely pinpoint the exact moment they started to put their machinations into play. She didn’t spend all these years reading people to be caught unawares. It was a talent she needed Mikasa to develop more fully, especially given her current and possibly future role within their government infrastructure.

She looked out the window of their vehicle and saw the palace come into view. She rolled her eyes. She was never much for pomp and circumstance and only participated when absolutely required. It was perhaps unfortunate that dealing with the royal family required such endeavors and so did being an ambassador.

She looked across her to Mikasa and noticed the twinkle in the young woman’s eye. Mikasa didn’t enjoy it any more than she did, but seemed to find it highly amusing to watch Kiyomi play the part perfectly. As for Kiyomi, she didn’t mind as long as Mikasa herself learned the lesson well.

The car rolled to a gentle stop and Kiyomi waited patiently for their escort. When the car door opened, she was surprised to find none other than the young Prince Hiashi leaning down and reaching out to help her out of the vehicle.

She gave Mikasa a disgruntled look prior to accepting the help. She knew that the young woman was most likely responsible for this escort. Mikasa covered what would have been a laugh with a well-timed cough.

“Hiashi-sama,” Mikasa addressed formally, as her turn to be “helped” out of the car came. “You didn’t have to come all the way here to fetch us,” there was a teasing tilt in her tone. 

“What?!” he exclaimed. “And disobey a direct order from my father?” he asked in mock seriousness. “You must be out of your mind.”

Again, Kiyomi noticed Mikasa covering her laugh with a cough. For all Mikasa’s complaints about the young prince, part of her did find the man amusing. She once claimed he reminded her of a little brother she never wanted—much to the despair of the empress who was counting on a less familial reaction given where the negotiations were heading. Hiashi was the only unmarried one of the two brothers, putting him on the same boat as Mikasa should alliances form as a result of the treaty.

As the prince escorted them himself to the long walk towards the main hall, Kiyomi was forced to endure their bickering.

“I can’t believe you told your Queen to go ahead and put your name on that document,” he made light conversation, but Kiyomi could tell that there was an edge of seriousness in his query.

“And I can’t believe you told your parents that you would be honored to participate,” Mikasa returned with gritted teeth and a false smile.

“It’s hard to say no to Mum,” he defended himself. “What’s your excuse?”

“No excuses for me!” Mikasa said frankly. “I like my Queen and did her a favor.” She gave him a glare. “Weren’t you the one who was going to protest being paired with an uncouth, uneducated, and unfeminine daughter of Paradis?”

He had the grace to look embarrassed. “I can’t believe you’re still holding that against me,” he declared, offended. “I’ve clearly and repeatedly apolo—“

“Oh shut up,” Kiyomi whispered, directing it to both of them. “You will both end up unhappily married to each other and it won’t be a joking matter then.”

“Look what you’ve done,” Mikasa accused. “You’ve made Kiyomi-sama upset.”

“I’ve made her upset?” he protested. “You—“

“Oh for the love of Maria, please deliver me from idiots!”

“Notice how she only interrupts me, her Prince, as opposed to you?” Hiashi asked Mikasa in a mock whisper. “You’d think she doesn’t like me.”

“She doesn’t,” Mikasa confirmed candidly. “No one does,” Mikasa informed him. “You must know this by now. You’re only tolerated because we like your brother and your nephew and your sister-in-law, and your mother.”

“I noticed you didn’t mention my father,” he observed.

“Stop!” Kiyomi looked at them. “I am going to walk ahead of both of you, and one of those royal guards will escort me,” she declared even as she motioned for the guard to approach. “Behave yourselves,” she hissed. And it was all she could do not to laugh herself as she left them to their devices and walked ahead.

It was unfortunately a constant complaint of the Empress that the two made better siblings than life partners. Kiyomi was afraid they would end up killing each other if the negotiations went towards that direction. Although Mikasa seemed confident that it wouldn’t, Kiyomi always prepared for the worst. To be fair, there were times when she could not decide what would actually be the worst case scenario in this instance.

The royal family was correct—Mikasa would be an excellent addition not only for their family, but Hizuru’s future in general. Kiyomi just wasn’t sure whether Mikasa’s heart would be in it. 

Something changed for the young woman earlier this year. The desire to help and make a difference in shaping the nations were still present. You could see that spark shine in her eyes when they’re making progress or when her contribution was noted. But something was subtly out of place enough that even her brother made note of it.

If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought Mikasa was suffering from a sort of homesickness. But Kiyomi had always suggested visiting Paradis throughout the year and Mikasa had always dismissed the idea.

At least she seemed to be getting better these days.

She was less distracted. More focused than she’d been in the last few months. Perhaps the treaty negotiations were finally sinking in, and the gravity of the rest of her life hanging on a piece of paper was finally being taken seriously. Kiyomi wasn’t sure what changed. Only that whatever malaise she seemed to have had finally run its course.

When they arrived at the main hall, it was no surprise that after the perfunctory greeting Mikasa was obliged to give to their host and hostess, she and Hiashi went straight to the Crown Prince and his family. Her interactions with the heir apparent oftentimes cheered her up as she was reminded of her time volunteering at Historia’s orphanage. Kiyomi took comfort on the fact that at least Mikasa was somewhat familiar in dealing with children and, should contracts dictate children in her future, the children would have a mother who would care for them.

“Kiyomi-san,” the empress greeted.

She and the empress shared a smile. Hitomi and her have known each other for a long time.

“Do you see our future in them?”

Kiyomi bit her lip. She could see it. It would be good for the country. Good for the royal family. It would even be good for the Azumabitos as well. 

She just wasn’t sure how good it would be for Mikasa or Hiashi.

“If they don’t kill each other first,” she muttered under her breath.

The empress laughed. “There is that,” she conceded. 

“Jyushiro’s temperament would have suited Mikasa much better,” she continued. “But alas, we work with what we have.”

At the mention of his name, the Crown Prince looked up at them inquiringly. His mother waved him off and continued with Kiyomi.

“How goes the lessons?” she asked. 

“She’s doing well with the language,” Kiyomi reported. “Hiashi-sama is a big help in that regard and she has a genuine desire to learn. I hear her practice with the servants and the guards too. I don’t think they knew what to make of her at first, but I noticed them correcting her subtly of late. They have also been very helpful.” She sighed a little. “She has no patience for the gentler arts, but could imitate them well enough when required. As you know, she prefers Toshiro’s lessons to mine.”

“To be expected of an Ackerman, I presume,” she replied. Her eyes went back to watching her family and Kiyomi followed her gaze. 

From this distance, she could see how the well the five of them actually do get along. How well they fit together, like a family. When Kiyomi sees them like this, Historia’s plan makes the most sense. They act like family already anyway.

Mikasa was protective of the little prince, one of the reasons she and Hiashi were so injured during the coup was in their efforts to protect the then three year old. The Crown Prince and his wife, Kasumi, have been eternally grateful since that day and have made every effort to incorporate Mikasa into their lives. A bit self-serving in part, but she knew they held a genuine affection for her nonetheless.

“When I see them like this,” Hitomi said softly, “I don’t think I’m ruining lives by asking for Mikasa in the treaty. My family holds affection for her, as do I and my husband. Strong alliances have been forged on less.”

“Quite true,” she agreed. And it was. 

She sincerely hoped Historia knew what she was doing.

——————————


	13. Letters to Armin

Armin,

I am attaching in this letter a report I’ve written summarizing my investigation in regards to Mikasa, her current role in Hizuru, and her possible future role based on ongoing negotiations the two nations are in the midst of. The report is based on Mikasa’s private correspondences with Historia, Hizurus’s initial offer, Historia’s counter offer, and copies of Mikasa’s reports that were sent to Marley. You can thank Kirstein for those when you see him.

Based on the current situation, it does not seem as if the two nations are close to coming to an agreement, so should you have an opinion you would like to share in the matter, there is still some time to share them either with Mikasa or Historia.

Should you require further assistance in this matter, do not hesitate to contact me.

Levi Ackerman 

——————————

Dear Armin,

Levi tells me that he will be sending you a report which you will no doubt receive once you dock in Marley.

As your Queen, I do not owe you an explanation.

However, as your friend and as you are Mikasa’s closest family under these circumstances, I feel a certain obligation to explain why Levi’s report might come as a surprise to you and, truth be told, a surprise to a great deal of people.

To be perfectly frank, however, there really is no explanation that wouldn’t sound like an excuse. The fact of the matter is, you weren’t here to discuss it with the parties involved. The ones most impacted were consulted, namely Mikasa and myself. 

I want you to know that I understood why you left. 

Mikasa understood as well. 

But Armin, it didn’t mean the rest of the world was able to leave. I was Queen of a nation in need of allies. Mikasa had ties which helped gain us those allies. Those of us who stayed did our utmost to ensure the well being of our people.

I understand your current concern for Mikasa. I truly do. And it is commendable should you want to be involved now that you appear to be settling down (if rumors are true). It is also commendable on how you were able to to gather as much information as I believe you will have by the time you get this letter.

But, as I have told Levi, you are all only advisors at this point. The decision is mine and Mikasa’s. I only ask that you respect our work for what it is.

With Kindest Regards,

Historia Reiss  
Queen of Paradis

——————————

Dear Armin,

Hizuru is beautiful. I wish I could draw or paint a picture that would do even just one scene justice.

But as my talents lie elsewhere, I can only ask that you visit me here some time and I can show you both it’s natural wonders as well as the advancement brought about by their engineers.

Historia tells me that you and Annie were thinking of settling in Marley for the foreseeable future in order to be closer to her father. 

I’m glad.

Help keep Jean out of trouble, would you? While I know he’s made some very good friends out there, I think he misses a bit of home sometimes. 

Always,

Mikasa

——————————


	14. The Fifth Interlude: Armin and Annie—Journey to Marley

The sight of seagulls was always a welcome after a long sea voyage. Annie leaned against the railing, letting it take her slight weight, as she focused her gaze towards the blue green water crashing against the hull of the ship before looking up to the horizon. 

She’ll be home soon!

An unfamiliar sort of giddiness was racing through her veins even as nervous energy competed to be in the forefront of her mind.

She’ll be home soon!

As excited as she was to see more of the world before the curse of Ymir overtook her, nothing still compared to the joy of coming home and the anticipation of seeing her father. Neither Marley nor her father were perfect, but one was family and the other was the only home she had ever known. It would be so good to see both again.

The last time was almost two years ago, when she and Armin had gone back from Paradis. She had wanted to say goodbye to her father one last time, in case the curse took her. She had been adamant that she did not want her father to see her succumb to the curse. To be fair, she didn’t want anyone seeing her succumb, but Armin did have a way of changing her mind about certain things.

“Ready?” a voice behind her called. 

She smiled readily, turning to see Armin looking at her with the same gentle eyes she’d gotten used to. 

“Absolutely,” she said nodding. She watched as he walked towards her, the slight tenseness of his shoulders belying the relaxed demeanor he was trying to project. “Are you?” she teased. 

“Ha-ha,” he grumbled a little. 

She grinned. 

He was like this a couple of years ago too, when he was about to meet her father. She should have remembered, but it took that tiny bit of nervousness to slip past his eyes for her to recall the incident.

“We still have land to cover when we arrive in Marley,” she reminded him. “It’s not like he’ll be waiting by the docks.”

“Are you sure about that?” he asked. Was that a slight bit of tremor in his voice? “He knows we’re coming. Pretty sure you told him.”

“I also told him that I wanted to show you the sights so we’re taking the long way from the harbor to go home,” she informed him.

“Great,” he said, when he so obviously thought it wasn’t. “Now I’m the reason he won’t see you sooner.”

Annie laughed at his morose tone. “Come on,” she cajoled. “He’s not that bad.”

“Uh-huh,” Armin humored her, “says his favorite daughter.”

“I’m his only daughter,” she corrected.

“You’re the only child!” he exclaimed. “My point exactly.”

Annie rolled her eyes and turned back to look at the sea in front of her. “I can’t believe that the former Commander of the Scouts and former Colossal Titan is deathly afraid of my father.”

She could all but hear him groan behind her.

“The operative word on all of that is ‘former,’” he informed her peremptorily. “And I would feel the same way even if I were still the Commander or a Titan shifter because the other operative word there is ‘father’ and I just ran away with his daughter for the last two years!”

She looked back at him and smirked.

“It’s not funny!” he protested, finally joining her by the railing.

“Actually,” she said consideringly, tilting her head away from him to get a better look of his expressions, “it sort of is.”

He groaned even more, looking at the water below them. “Maybe I should head over and go straight to Jean’s,” he thought out loud. “Just meet me there after you visit with your dad.”

“Really?!” she laughed. “You are wussing out of meeting up with my dad?”

“Not sure I would have put it that way,” he muttered defensively under his breath.

“What’s it gonna be, Arlert?” she pressed on.

She could hear him murmur under his breath. “You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.”

She raised a brow and found him looking at her.

“Listen, Annie, I was thinking,” he started, “these past few months….well, we’ve been happy, right? So I was thinking that maybe—“

And a long blast from the ship horn prevented her from hearing the rest. She looked up, irritated, before looking back at Armin, who had a devastated look on his face.

“What was that again?” she asked.

He sighed. “Nothing important,” he grumbled.

“Ok,” she said. “So are you coming home with me or not?”

——————————

He was cursed. That was all there was to it. When the curse of Ymir was lifted, something else took its place and it was wreaking havoc with his carefully laid plans and speeches. There were only so many unfortunate coincidences a learned man can take before he could come to this conclusion.

After all, how else would he be able to explain not one, not two, but now three proposals interrupted by various random items, the latest of which was a ship horn. Speaking of which, why did the horn even blast? There’s no other ship nearby and they were nowhere close to the harbor. 

“Well?” Annie asked, looking at him with those laughing eyes. 

“I’m not wussing out,” he growled. “I’ll go with.”

“As long as you’re sure,” she said in an almost singsong voice, turning back to look at the endless water. He watched her lift her face up, basking in the morning sun. She looked carefree, a far cry from their last voyage to Marley.

“You didn’t say I had to be sure,” he qualified. “I’m never sure when it comes to your father. 

She gave him a sidelong glance just as he put an arm around her shoulders. 

“I am, however,” he began, “sure that I’m looking forward to seeing Jean and hopefully getting caught up with all my correspondence. I’ve been telling everyone to forward my letters to your father’s house and I’m hoping that most of them made it.”

“Still worried?” she asked, knowing the reason behind his impatience to see some of the letters. 

“I can’t quite put my finger on it,” he replied. “But Mikasa’s letter just felt odd. That’s all. She corresponds with most if not all of us who were left from Shadis’s 104th. And Levi, of all people! I’m hoping maybe she said something to one of them.”

“I’m sure that if something was truly wrong, you’d hear about it from Historia,” Annie assured him.

“You would think,” he said thoughtfully. 

“I would accuse you of borrowing trouble,” she leaned against the crook of his shoulder, “but you’re too smart for your own good.” She took a deep breath. “Hopefully we’ll get answers when we get home.”

“Yes, hopefully,” he echoed.

——————————

Lifting his face up to the sky, he felt the afternoon breeze blow against his hair as he stuck his head out of the train window. 

Today was the day. 

He was sure of it. 

He had it all planned. 

It was going to be a nice romantic dinner in one of the dining carts of the train they’re taking to go to Argo, the town where Annie’s father currently resided. It should be quiet. Very little chance of interruption. They would just be winding down for the day after getting off the ship.

He’ll start by telling her what a wonderful time he’s had with her, traveling the world. Granted, part of that time was spent waiting for her to die, so that part was not so fun, but the rest...the rest had been pure joy.

Then, he’ll ask her for the honor of spending the rest of their lives together. 

Or was that too….cheesy? 

Ok, maybe instead if that, he’d ask her the honor of becoming his wife? 

Hmmmm….too proprietary?

So maybe something different. 

Why was he doing this to himself? He’d already decided a week ago how he was going to go about it, and here he was making last minute changes to the Plan.

He should go back to the basics, back to the original plan.

_Marry me, Annie._

Was that too demanding? Like he wasn’t really asking, more like telling? She’s definitely not going to like that.

He noticed her plop down on the seat across him and he drew his head back in the train.

She yawned. 

“I’m so tired,” she told him. “Just gonna take a quick nap.”

Except her quick nap turned into sleeping through the train ride for the night because he didn’t have the heart to wake her up for dinner.

And there went proposal # 4.

Maybe fifth time's the charm?

——————————

Armin was up to something.

Annie’s known him long enough to know his expressions when he's got a particularly complicated puzzle he’s trying to solve in his head. And lately, he’s had that look.

At first she thought it might have been his concern for Mikasa. Her last letter gave him fits, and she wasn’t even sure why. It was a little….well, on the maudlin side…. But Mikasa never really struck her as a….peppy person. So she had thought that was just on par with the course.

However, Armin knew her better and his instincts seemed to be screaming something.

But by now, she was sure that Mikasa wasn’t it. She wasn’t what was currently puzzling the man she had come to care for more than she had thought possible. Something else was bothering him. And because of that, then of course something was bothering her.

She just wished she knew what it was that was bothering them. So she could help fix it. 

So she could help him.

Because a distracted Armin was not as much fun to tease. 

She sighed.

Maybe he really was just worried about seeing her father.

She stared at his sleeping form across her, noting the frown on his face despite the beard he had grown. She really wished she knew how to help him.

She yawned and tried to stretch, but it wasn’t quite working. She was short in stature but even the space between the chair and the table didn’t allow her to fully extend her legs.

She quietly stood up, careful not to make a noise and wake him. Her foot hit something as she slid out of the booth and she glanced down.

It was a small box.

She looked around. The car wasn’t crowded and there was no one at the booths directly adjacent to them. She crouched down and picked it up. It wasn’t hers, so it must be Armin’s.

She opened it out of curiosity, wondering what could be in such a tiny box and let out a small yelp before closing it back up and almost dropping it. She looked quickly at Armin, to make sure he hadn’t been woken up the noise she made, and breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that he was still asleep.

Gingerly she put the box down back on the floor.

That box contained a ring.

The kind of ring people who got married wore.

Maybe, just maybe, she figured out what was bothering Armin.

She groaned internally. There was no maybe about this.

She tried to recall the past week or two.

Instances where he’d become flustered for no reason. Where he’d tried to talk to her only to abruptly stop as if forgetting something.

And one by one they came to her.

And she almost slapped herself on the head for just now noticing.

She sat back down carefully and stared at him in frustration.

One more thing was certain in all this—she was a damn bad liar. When Armin woke up (and he will!), he’s going to notice something amiss with her because now that she knows he’d been trying to pop the question, there was no way to un-know it.

She leaned back against her chair and closed her eyes. She better come up with something soon. Their stop was just a few hours ahead.

——————————

He was determined.

The moment he and Annie left the train station, they had decided on renting a buggy instead of a motor car or instead of going on horseback to get to her father’s cottage on the outskirts of town.

Maybe a leisurely time on the road was just what he needed to ask her. Because he certainly wasn’t going to ask her with her father hovering in the background. It was either now….or he didn’t even know when he’d get another chance.

Annie seemed subdued when they arrived in town. In fact, if he didn’t know any better, she seemed to be going out of her way to avoid looking at him. 

He wanted to bang his head into something hard.

Maybe some sense would get knocked into him and he could get past this one goal he’d been trying to accomplish for what felt like forever. Why was this so difficult? It could be as simple as four little words.

_Will you marry me?_

Ok. Maybe five or six words.

_Will you marry me, Annie? Please?_

He could say it well enough in his mind. The words just needed to get past his lips.

Ugh.

At least he still had the ring.

He thought he was going to have a heart attack when he saw the box on the floor of the train. Luckily, Annie had been distracted by something outside and he had been able to pick it back up without her noticing.

“You’re quiet,” Annie observed, interrupting his thoughts.

It was true. He’d been in his head during this whole buggy ride trying to figure out the perfect way to ask her a legitimate question given the amount of time they’ve spent with each other. And he’d been drawing a blank.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “Trapped in my head,” he told her honestly.

“Second thoughts?” she asked.

And for a moment, he looked at her in panic. Did she know what he was agonizing over this whole time?

“Wishing you’d stayed back and headed over to Jean’s instead?” she continued.

He let out a sigh of relief.

Oh. That.

“No!” he said, perhaps unconvincingly. 

She snickered. Something so un-Annie like. It made him smile.

“I love you,” he declared.

She looked at him from the corner of her eye, one eyebrow raised. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it. Nor would it be the last.

“I love you too,” she returned.

There was a pause.

“Let’s get married,” she stated.

“Yes!” he responded almost automatically.

Wait.

What?

He looked at her fully 

“What?!” his voice sounded like a screech.

She gave him an amused look.

“You already said yes,” she reproached him. “It’s really not the thing to take it back.”

His mouth moved, but no words came out.

He stopped the buggy and turned to face her fully. Shock, he was sure, was evident on his face.

“You just asked me to marry you,” he told her, still trying to grasp what just happened.

“Yes,” she said, looking at him with mischief in her eyes. “And you said yes.”

He loved this woman. He really did. 

“I said yes,” he repeated.

“Sure did,” she said with a smile. “In record time too!”

“I said yes,” he said it again.

She nodded. “You’re mine now,” she winked.

“I am,” he agreed whole-heartedly, right before kissing her fully on her mouth.

When he finally broke the kiss and looked down at her, she asked, “So….since I popped the question, how about you break the news to my dad?”

This devious woman was going to get him killled before he even gets her to the altar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more interlude after this as I’ve decided recently to split the last interlude in Marley into two chapters because it was getting a little long and....well, I wanted to give Annie and Armin their own part 🙂


	15. The Last Interlude: Eldians in Marley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of an earlier update since this was supposed to be part of the last chapter and is now ready to go.
> 
> It’s undergone so many revisions, I can’t bear to stare at it anymore.
> 
> Rating change is based on this chapter.

Armin looked at Annie in askance after watching her knock at the nondescript door in front of them.

“I’m pretty sure Jean’s address is on the floor above,” he informed her.

Annie gave him what could only be a pitying look mixed with a smirk.

“Yes,” she agreed. “It certainly is.”

“So why are we knocking on this door?” Armin asked, perplexed. “Are we stopping by to see someone first?”

“You could say that,” she conceded. “Did you want to surprise Jean or not?” she demanded.

“I do!” he replied, giving her his most boyish look. He was very excited to see his friend and reconnect. It’s been quite some time and it wasn’t until they entered Jean’s building that a bubble of excitement began to really make its presence known.

“Then trust me when I say that this is definitely where he would be.”

He gave her a suspicious look and was about to ask for further clarification when the door swung open, revealing Pieck on the opposite side.

“Annie!” Pieck smiled, moving forward to clasp her friend’s arm. “You guys are early, but just in time for brunch!” She opened the door to her apartment wider. “Come in, come in!” 

They stepped inside and he looked at Annie, confusion most likely still plain on his face. He was about to ask her to explain, when a voice in front of him had him snapping his head back up.

“Oi, Pieck!” Jean’s voice drifted from what could only be the bedroom. “You didn’t tell me we were having guests!”

Armin watched, his mouth forming a small “oh”, as Jean emerged from the doorway, in the middle of putting on a shirt. 

“A little warning next time?” he continued. “I almost came out in my—“

“Jean!” Armin called out, hoping to spare his friend any possible embarrassment by letting him know that they were already in the apartment. He seemed oblivious at this point. Groggy even.

Jean’s head immediately popped out of the shirt he had just moments ago been struggling with. His eyes widened, meeting Armin’s from across the room. “Armin?” he whispered it almost disbelievingly. “Armin!” he shouted it this time, taking almost giant leaps to get to him.

Armin felt himself enveloped in what he could only consider to be a bear hug from his much taller friend. “Jean,” he laughed, returning the embrace. “It’s been a long time.”

“Damn right!” Jean retorted, pulling away to hold him at arm's length and get a good look. “Is that….a goddamn rat I see in your face?” he teased mercilessly. 

Armin laughed. “What?!” he defended, touching the thick beard that covered half his face. “Annie thinks I look distinguished.”

Jean looked over to Annie, a smirk on his face. “What other lies have you told him in your journey?”

Annie grinned. “He does look distinguished,” she claimed with a smile, tilting her head towards Armin in silent communication. “At least these days,” she clarified. “You should have seen it in the beginning, though,” she mock whispered under her breath.

“Annie!” Armin laughed. 

“Jean shouldn’t talk,” Pieck piped in. “He tried something similar awhile back—“

“Hey is that breakfast I smell?” Jean interrupted, giving her a friendly glare.

“Why yes,” Pieck replied. “And if you’re not nice to our guests, you’re gonna have to get your own, love.”

Armin watched the exchange with avid interest. This was what Annie meant. Maybe women’s letters to each other were different? He didn’t recall Jean saying anything about seeing Pieck in his own letters. That being said, he didn’t really get a lot of letters from Jean either.

He could hear the friendly bicker that takes place around him, and a sense of something akin to contentment started to wash over him. Was this what he’s been missing? A warm hearth and the voices of people he cared about surrounding him? In his travels with Annie, there were times when he’d feel an ache for something that was close to what he has now, with Annie and their friends.

He looked up abruptly upon hearing Annie call his name. “Come and eat,” she said, motioning for him to join them at the dining table. 

“Right,” Pieck added, “don’t let the food grow cold.”

He nodded, approaching them and pulling up a chair. When was the last time he and Annie had a meal with old friends like this? He met Annie’s eyes across the table and saw her give him a knowing look. She always could read his mind.

Perhaps she was right. Maybe there is a place for them in Marley.

——————————

Jean watched the play of emotions cross Armin’s expressive eyes, noting the way it swept across the room and himself without missing a detail. To be expected from the former Commander of the Scouts. He wondered what obvious and not so obvious conclusions he had drawn. He noticed the subtle flick of his gaze, going between him and Pieck, and knew that Armin had no idea before now that he’d been seeing Pieck.

Annie knew, though, it seemed. 

“So what’s new?” Jean made conversation once they all sat down to eat. “You guys in the city for long?” he asked.

“Maybe,” replied Armin, exchanging a silent look with Annie. “For several months at least.” He smiled. “Annie wants to show me around first and maybe even explore more of the country.”

“That’s great,” he said enthusiastically. “Let Pieck and I show you around th city. Lots have changed since even I arrived over a year and a half ago.”

“You should visit the office too,” Pieck suggested. “See some of the work we’ve done.”

Jean smiled. He and Pieck were proud of the work they’ve been doing not only for the Eldians, but also the Marleyans here in the city. 

“I’d love too,” Armin agreed, his eyes lit up with excitement. “I’ve heard a little about it from Historia and Mikasa when their letters actually get to me,” he claimed. “It’d be good to see first hand.”

Jean swallowed. Of course he did. This was Armin. He could be at the edges of the known world and still be informed.

“You guys must be so busy with the rebuilding as well,” Armin continued. “How is that going? I’ve heard some work has begun in Liberio.”

“Yes,” Pieck affirmed. “There is a lot of interest from the Eldians to rebuild it into a better place than what it was. To truly make it a home instead of some sort of prison.

“Which is where a lot of the trade agreements with other countries come into play,” Jean stated. “We need a bit more tech to progress a little faster in some of the work planned.”

“What kind of tech are we talking about?” asked Armin.

Pieck laughed. “Don’t get him started,” she warned. “He’ll talk your ear off.”

Jean gave a sheepish grin. “Ok,” Jean conceded. “No shop talk til later. Instead, why don’t you two tell me and Pieck what we’ve been missing sitting in our butts here in Marley? How were your travels?”

Armin and Annie both laughed as they began telling stories of the different sights they’ve seen, creatures they’ve encountered, and people they’ve met. 

He listened with half an ear, part of his attention drawn more on the very unique situation he’s found himself in of having brunch with not one, not two, but with three former Titan shifters as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Even more strange was to actually see Annie so animated as she and Armin took turns interrupting each other in their excitement to add a particular detail or embellishment to whatever story they were sharing.

Something warm and comforting wrapped around his heart as he stared at the three people in front of him—Pieck to his left, Armin in front, and Annie to the right. Was this what it felt like to be content? To have your heart full and complete? He could imagine plenty of days like this, sitting on a table with warm food and laughing with friends. If Armin and Annie are staying awhile then there would definitely be more of these.

He felt Pieck’s hand touch his beside him on the table and he turned to look at her. She was giving him that look that told him she knew exactly what he was thinking because his face was apparently such an open book. He felt his face flush. He squeezed her hand in return and continued to listen to Armin and Annie. The woman knew him too well and it was pretty embarrassing.

“And that’s when I decided to grow this scruff on my face,” Armin finished, his story about him and Annie getting harassed due to their youthful looks coming to an end.

“Although, some people did start assuming that he was my father,” related Annie with a laugh. “I thought Armin was about to have a stroke when someone first made that mistake!”

Armin shook his head. “There was no middle ground,” he protested. “And to be fair, I preferred that to the dirty old lech assumption,” he admitted.

Jean choked on his coffee and felt his eyes water, as Armin’s visual description danced in front of his eyes.

He could see Armin’s eyes twinkle, laughing at his predicament while Pieck tried to not so gently pat his back

“You alright there, Jean?” Annie asked, grinning. 

He tried to nod through the coughs and Pieck’s overly enthusiastic taps against his back. He started moving away from Pieck to avoid being smacked. “Not helping,” he mouthed at her. He waved her off. “I’m fine,” he insisted. “Really! My back’s probably gonna be bruised after this because you don’t know your own strength, woman, but I’ll be fine.”

Peach rolled her eyes, but thankfully stopped her ministrations.

“Let’s leave the men to clean up,” Pieck suggested to Annie when it seemed that everyone finished eating and Jean had sufficiently recovered. 

Annie looked at him and he nodded, ushering the women away from the kitchen. “We’ll take care of it, Annie,” he assured her. It would be good to talk to Armin alone for a little bit. 

He waited til the door to the kitchen closed behind Annie before turning to his friend, who was looking at him with what might be a smirk, but he couldn’t quite verify with all that beard.

“So….” Armin began, “I didn’t realize that you and Pieck,” his voice drifted off with a hint of smile.

He scratched the back of his head. He was pretty sure his face was probably as red as it could get. “Yeah,” he nodded, “a bit of time now.” He began clearing away the dishes.

“That’s great,” Armin endorsed. “You look….happy.”

“Didn’t think that was possible, did you?” Jean asked as he began to start rinsing and scrubbing in the sink.

“No,” Armin protested, “I always thought you deserved to be happy,” he told him. “But you were so focused on Mikasa,” Armin said candidly. “And so focused on not doing anything about it.”

“Yes,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed. “I do recall one of your very first letters.”

“I’m not here to repeat the same sentiment,” Armin reassured him. “I can see you’ve moved on.”

“That’s good,” Jean said, relieved. “It took Historia awhile to stop too.” He shrugged. “For awhile, she seemed to think I should go chasing after her all the way to Hizuru.” He snorted. “She was so single-minded about it.”

“Right,” Armin’s voice drifted again, as if he were deep in thought.

“Are you going to dry or what?” Jean asked his daydreaming buddy. Where did his mind drift off to?

“Sorry,” Armin relayed with a half-hearted smile. “Just thinking about something someone told me,” he muttered vaguely.

Jean looked at him in confusion before handing him a dish towel. “Dry,” he commanded.

Armin gave him a wry smile and accepted.

——————————

Annie followed Pieck out of the kitchen after one last look exchanged with Armin. 

“You should stay with us for awhile,” Pieck offered, heading towards the living room. “At least until you guys figure out what you want to do.”

“Thank you,” Annie replied. “I’ll discuss it with Armin.”

Pieck smiled. “There’s always Jean’s place,” she suggested. “If you’d like some privacy. Jean’s barely there as is.”

Annie laughed. “Yes, I could see why,” she almost but not quite giggled. “I thought Armin was was going to faint when he saw Jean and realized why he was here.”

It was Pieck’s turn to laugh. “I noticed,” she said wryly. “Why didn’t you tell him before now?”

“Jean should have told him, if anything,” Annie replied frankly. 

“That is quite true,” Pieck admittedly lightly. She sighed a little. “I don’t think Jean feels comfortable talking about relationships in general.”

“No,” Annie agreed, “he wouldn’t.” She shook her head. “He can probably talk about everything else under the sun, but heaven forbid ….feelings,” she shuddered.

Pieck rolled her eyes as she plopped down on all fours on her modest sofa. “He’s missed Armin, you know,” Pieck informed Annie. “But, I think, he also admired him for pursuing his dream.”

“Armin always did want to see the world,” Annie agreed.

Pieck gave her a chiding look. “I meant you, Annie,” Pieck said gently. “He could have traveled anywhere and anytime. He had a number of friends who would have gone with him had he but asked it of them. But he chose you.”

Annie blushed and made herself sit on the sofa across where Pieck was situated.

“You both look good,” Pieck informed her. “And both Jean and I are immensely happy that you’re back here in Marley with us instead of elsewhere.” Pieck tilted her head on one side, as if listening for something. “Jean misses his old friends,”she said quietly. “I believe that he’s happy here with us, but nothing quite lights up his eyes as receiving a letter from his old squad.”

Annie nodded. “They’re scattered in the wind, I gathered,” Annie noted. “I did hear about Springer working with Levi now.”

“Yes,” Pieck stated. “Jean was worried about him for awhile. He was relieved when he heard he was back with Levi. He thought it would do him some good.”

Annie leaned forward, getting ready to ask the question she was very much curious about. “And Mikasa?” she broached, because she didn’t know what Pieck knew of the history or even the present situation.

Pieck gave her a knowing look. “What about Mikasa?” she asked coyly. “Her work in Hizuru or…” she tilted her head towards the kitchen, “in regards to Jean?”

Annie smiled in relief. If Mikasa wasn’t a sore topic, then it must be something that’s been settled between them.

“Let’s start with Hizuru,” she stated, because that one was concerning to her at the moment. Judging from Armin’s reaction when he read Levi’s report, she wasn’t really sure how much of the details were well known in the close knit circle of the 104th.

“What about Hizuru?” Jean’s voice reached them as the two men entered the living room. “Is it shop talk time? Are we talking about that treaty Mikasa and Historia are working on?” 

Jean sat himself next to Pieck and Pieck curled up against him.

Annie looked at them closely. Armin had been worried and wasn’t sure how to broach the topic given what he thought would have been Jean’s feelings for Mikasa. But perhaps it would be a non-issue now? Additionally, it seemed like Jean and Pieck were already aware of some of the details. Perhaps Mikasa had kept them in the loop.

Annie gave Armin a reassuring smile as he sat down next to her. Perhaps this would be an easier conversation than Armin initially thought.

“It will be interesting what comes out of that,” Pieck voiced wonderingly. “A unification of two nations without war, and only a piece of paper to hold them together.”

“Mikasa and Historia have been updating us on the progress,” Jean informed them. “Be interesting to see what they finally agree on.”

“Armin’s been uptight about it because of Mikasa’s involvement,” Annie placed forward, testing the waters.

Jean had a faraway look on his face when he added, “Historia mentioned how involved she is in its drafting and negotiations.” He grinned at Armin. “Never thought I’d see your ‘sister’ have the patience to painstakingly go through draft after draft. I can almost hear her frustrations in her letters. I think she’s having fantasies about murdering the imperial family and, on occasion, Historia.”

Annie looked at them closely and looked back at Armin. She had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps….they didn’t know some of the details she and Armin were in possession of. She looked at Armin, who gave a subtle shake of his head.

Which Pieck noticed of course. 

But Jean still had a faraway look in his eyes.

“Do you happen to have the reports Mikasa sent?” Armin asked suddenly. “I was hoping to take a look at them.”

“Oho!” Jean teased, his attention finally focused on them. “Not even back that long from your extended vacation and already looking to get involved, huh?”

“Just interested in seeing Mikasa’s work,” Armin replied weakly.

And Annie could see how uncomfortable he was. Because by now, she was almost certain he’d come to the same conclusion that Mikasa’s reports might have left a few things out.

“I have them upstairs actually,” Jean declared. “You’re the second person that’s asked for them. I sent copies of them to Levi some months ago.” He stood up. “I can get them now if you’re really interested.”

“Why don’t I go with you?” Armin stood up as well. “I wanna see this place of yours.”

Jean smirked. “Nothing as nice as Pieck’s, I can tell you that now.”

“Just make sure it’s clean,” Annie interjected, attempting a small distraction. “Pieck volunteered his place for us to stay the night at least.”

“What?!” Jean’s voice rose just as Armin was pushing him out the door. 

“We’ll be back,” Armin called out, leaving her alone.

With Pieck’s inquiring eyes.

——————————

Something was off.

She had felt it the moment Annie broached the subject of Mikasa.

At first, she thought it had to do with Jean’s infatuation with the woman. Perhaps Annie didn’t realize that she knew that history and wanted to make sure she wasn’t in the dark.

But anyone with a brain knew about that, with perhaps the notable exception of Mikasa herself. And Pieck was confident enough in her feelings for Jean, and vice versa, not to let his past affections bother her. She tried to convey that to Annie with her tone, but it seemed to not be her concern.

That left the Hizuru treaty and Mikasa’s involvement in it.

Armin’s been uptight about it because of Mikasa’s involvement.

Now why would Armin be uptight? It made sense that Mikasa was heavily in the weeds of a treaty with the nation she’s working at. And what was the meaning behind the silent look that passed between the two?

“Is there something you think I should know?” Pieck asked her directly.

“Not you, per se,” Annie answered, “and in all honesty, I don’t believe it would be a concern to Marley in terms of resource availability.”

Pieck sighed. “Annie,” she pushed. “You might as well just tell me. Clearly there must be something you or Armin are concerned about or this would be an easier conversation.”

“First tell me,” Annie asked her urgently, “what did Mikasa say was up for trade? What did Hizuru want?”

“Mining rights,” Pieck responded quickly. “In exchange for tech and education. Maybe a few other resources. All very standard. The negotiation right now is about amounts and control.” She paused. “Is that not correct?”

“Oh,” Annie bit her lip. “It’s true. That’s all in the negotiations and still up for discussion.” 

Pieck sat up. She had a bad feeling about this.

“But it’s missing something,” Annie stated deliberately, looking at her directly.

“Should Marley be concerned?” she asked, all business at once.

Annie shook her head. “As I said, it shouldn’t,” she assured her. “And the way things are now,” she muttered to herself, “there’s really no relevance to you guys.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “Then tell me, Annie,” she began, “why is Armin so uptight about this treaty?”

Annie looked at her directly. “Because,” she inhaled deeply, “he cares very much for Mikasa. And the agreements being drafted are very specific about whom Mikasa is to marry in Hizuru, the number of children she is required to have, as well as the roles the said children will be expected to play in Hizuru and Paradis.”

——————————

“Not really sure what you and Levi wanted from these,” Jean stated, perplexed. “It’s pretty standard. Historia mentioned to pay close attention to it, but I didn’t really see anything that stood out.”

Armin was hunched over all the documents, looking over them like it was some sort of puzzle. They were scattered all over his home office desk, a bit haphazard.

“You’re right,” Armin admitted, looking through some of the reports. “These are pretty standard.” He looked at the pile of reports Jean has. “Are these all that Mikasa sent you?”

“These are the Hizuru reports,” Jean said. “I mean, she sends letters too.”

“Can I see those too?” Armin mouthed still looking down at the reports. 

“What?!”

“If you still have her letters,” Armin looked up at him, “I’d like to read them, if that’s alright. Also, can I borrow some pen and paper? I’d like to take some notes.”

“No!” he told him, almost automatically, and quite vehemently. “I mean,” he started to stammer, because he might have just sounded a bit crazed right there. “Sure, there’s pen and paper here. But why would you need the letters?” 

Armin looked back up at him. “These are her official reports, correct?” Armin asked. “Something she would send to the OHRHQP?”

He nodded.

“I’m hoping maybe she sent you something more,” Armin said frankly. “Her thoughts on Hizuru. The people there. Something she’d write to a friend or fellow comrade. Her personal impressions.”

All valid reasons. And all true. It makes sense why Armin would be interested.

Mikasa was funny and personal and sometimes sentimental in her letters, which was a stark contrast to the reports. But part of him had always considered the letters to be a private conversation between them.

“She must have sent you some,” Jean tried deflecting, desperately looking for an excuse not to hand them over. All the while asking himself why not just hand them over? They’re just letters. From Mikasa. It’s not like they’re love letters. There was nothing there that would really be embarrassing.

But….they were personal, right?

As Armin said, something she shared with him that was theirs alone.

What would Mikasa say if he just let anyone in the street read her thoughts?

Still, this was Armin. It was unlikely that she would say anything more personal to him than what she would to Armin. So in the end, she probably won’t even care.

“Not a lot,” Armin admitted regretfully. “It was….difficult for us.” He looked at Jean and there was something in his eyes that was almost akin to….guilt? “I’m not even sure if I got everything she sent. Annie and I were moving too much.” Armin looked away. “It’s ok. I guess I can’t expect you to have kept them.”

And there it was. A lifeline. He didn’t have to say anything. Armin would just assume he threw them away. 

They were just letters after all.

Nothing more or less. 

So why was he so reluctant to hand them over?

“I know it’s an imposition,” Armin went back to the pile in his office desk. “But do you mind if I just go through this? I’d like to take up Pieck’s offer and stay in the city for awhile. I’ll look for some lodgings for me and Annie—“

“Forget looking for something,” Jean told him. “I have an extra bedroom and I’m barely in this apartment anyway.” He looked away. “There’s plenty of space.”

Tell him you have her letters.

He watched as Armin hunched down and began going through some of the reports again, this time line by line.

And he remained silent.

——————————

Pieck watched him closely when he and Armin got back to the apartment. She could see Armin give Annie another subtle shake of his head, the action going unnoticed by Jean, who seemed to be deep in his own thoughts. There was a tenseness in his shoulders, but….there was no sense of….betrayal? Something she was sure would be there, if he knew what Mikasa kept from their correspondences. 

No, something else was bothering Jean.

Meanwhile, Armin did his best not to look at either of them in their eyes. 

Another reason for her to surmise that he didn’t tell Jean what Annie just told her. He was acting a little too guiltily.

And dinner, well dinner was a less relaxed affair than brunch.

Armin was subdued. She can tell he wants to dive back into those reports but she could also tell he’s torn about what to tell Jean.

And Jean….something was in Jean’s mind. Something bothering him enough that he hasn’t shared with anyone. She knew the man she loved enough to know his moods after all. 

Now why would both men show signs of guilt?

Meanwhile Annie kept looking at her curiously. As if to say what was she waiting for? It should be an easy enough conversation to start. Who Mikasa marries can almost be treated like gossip. A bit of information old classmates have about each other.

Except Pieck was honest enough with herself to know that while Jean loved her, there was that part of Jean, she knew, that would always be Mikasa’s. 

Because Pieck and Jean are alike.

If Jean knew Mikasa was getting married, possibly under duress, Pieck wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. He would be concerned, she was sure. What was uncertain would be the actual reason behind the concern.

And so dinner was quite a stilted affair—a sharp contrast to this morning. Each of them trapped in their own thoughts. When Annie and Armin made their excuses to leave and head over to Jean’s apartment, a part of her felt a sigh of relief, while the other part felt a dread.

Because she was going to tell Jean.

There really was no other option. 

——————————

Annie gave him a sideways glance as they walked upstairs, heading to Jean’s apartment. She noted his more subdued demeanor throughout dinner, one that continued even now with just the two of them.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” she asked, curious. 

“Why did you tell Pieck?” he asked instead. 

She took a deep breath. “Because I didn’t think you’d tell him,” she admitted. “And I wanted Pieck to be sure.”

“Sure of what?”

“Sure the same way I’m sure with you,” she told him quietly.

Armin nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. He held her hand. “You think that she will tell him soon,” he stated flatly.

“I’m certain she will,” Annie said. “She wants to be sure too,” Annie assessed softly.

——————————

Pieck looked at Jean from the bedroom door. The glow of the lamp softened the hard edges of his face, reminding her of the boy she met years ago.

He was reading a book, or at least he was attempting to while he leaned against the headboard of their bed. She was pretty sure he’d been on that same page since she started observing him, though. And she could see a sort of frustration mar his brow.

She walked towards him slowly and sat on his side of the bed. She grabbed the book and placed it facedown on the nightstand. 

He looked at her inquiringly, his hand reaching out to her face. 

She rubbed her cheek against it.

“What’s up?” he asked.

And she could see the love in his eyes when he looked at her. It was real and obvious. There was nothing for her to worry about.

Right?

She kissed him, slowly crawling on top of him while his hands held her face. She broke the kiss and stared up at him. He was looking down at her in wonder.

“What’s that for?” he asked her shyly.

And her heart melted because it was always this way with him. He always, always treated her signs of affection with wonder and awe. As if he couldn’t believe she would love him. Pick him over everyone else. 

She kissed him again, this time running her lips across the seam of his mouth, gaining entrance almost immediately. His hands gripped her hips when she started grinding against him, his fingers moving under her gown, always always touching her, making sure she’s ready.

And she was. She almost always was because this was Jean. It was Jean who was lifting her and laying her gently down the bed. It was Jean who broke their kiss so she could turn around and position herself on all fours. He knew what felt natural to her, what felt good. It was Jean who knew she loved to feel his weight behind her when he enters her slick heat. He knew what pace to pick on any given night. And tonight, he seemed to know that she didn’t want gentleness, and so he was fast, and hard, and just on that side of rough that had her screaming against the sheets when she finished. 

He finished soon after, and she could feel his harsh breathing against her shoulder as she barely held them both up before her arms collapsed underneath her. 

He laughed, kissing her shoulders and pulling her to an embrace so they could lie down properly. He turned off the lamp before settling back down on the bed, his arms wrapped securely around her.

Her head lying against his chest, she could hear his heart slow down, feel his breath start to even out. 

She debated whether to let them sleep. 

There were more tomorrows to come.

Surely the news could wait?

But she was no coward. And she knew tomorrow would be even harder.

So she spoke. “You should know,” she said quietly against his chest, “why Armin is so interested in those reports.”

She felt him tense up, the hand rubbing her shoulder slowing down.

“Hizuru wants Mikasa to marry,” she continued before she lost her nerve. “They want her children to have a role in both Hizuru and Paradis’s future.”

She could feel the shock going through him, observed it in the way he suddenly sat up and turned to look at her. There was no light in the room, but the street lights from the window were enough for her to see the look of disbelief on his face as he looked at her.

“Negotiations are taking long, because Historia extracts a high price for Mikasa,” her voice was stoic and devoid of emotion as she too sat up, pulling the covers over her.

“Mikasa would never—“ he started to spit out.

“Mikasa helped draft these negotiations, Jean,” she reminded him. “She knows what’s at stake.”

And he stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, taking in what she had just said.

“I assume Annie told you all this,” he stated, seemingly willing himself to relax. She could see the effort it took him to lie back down.

“Yes,” she said softly. “She was wondering if we knew. It came as a surprise to Armin, apparently, and he’s still trying to make sense of it.”

“I see,” he said softly.

He was staring at the ceiling now, one arm behind his head.

She knew sleep won’t come easy to either of them tonight.

——————————

She laid still, pretending sleep.

She woke up the moment he moved. How long she had actually been asleep, she didn’t know. It seemed like just a moment ago that she finally succumbed.

She could feel him slowly rise, felt the bed let go of his weight. She could hear him rummage for clothes and put them on. She could hear the door open and click back close.

She opened her eyes.

And looked at the wall she was facing.

She wondered if she should be thankful that he waited for her to sleep before leaving. She knew he had wanted to go back to his apartment the moment she revealed Annie’s news. She just wasn’t sure whether he wanted to go there to talk to Armin, or to look back at those reports Armin was so curious to read himself.

Jean loved her now.

She knew he did.

Perhaps the question for her then is whether he’d ever be able to let go of his first love. Or at least let go enough for Pieck to never again have another woman in bed with them like she just did tonight.

——————————

Jean wasn’t sure what he was doing outside his own apartment, staring at the door.

He had a woman who loved him downstairs, a woman whom he himself loved and cared for. A woman who, he was sure, was also wondering what the fuck he was doing leaving their bed in the middle of the night so he could stare at the god forsaken door that led to some letters he should have thrown away once he’d finished reading them.

He cursed himself.

He knew Pieck woke up the moment he left the bed. But she pretended not to, the same way he pretended he didn’t notice her waking up. A mutual lie they both decided to partake in.

Because he was a fucking head case.

Here he was, standing barefoot outside his own front door, debating whether to knock or just go in. He had a spare key after all.

He could still hear Pieck’s voice ringing in his ears.

_Hizuru wants Mikasa to marry. They want her children to have a role in both Hizuru and Paradis’s future. Negotiations are taking long, because Historia extracts a high price for Mikasa._

What the fuck?

On his way to get to his apartment, he’d almost forgotten Armin and Annie were in it. He was a fucking idiot. What was he doing here?

He groaned. 

He knew exactly what he was doing here. 

He wanted to go over those letters. The ones Armin had wanted, but he was too selfish to give. He needed to read them again and see and try to remember what idiot advice he might have inadvertently given.

Because even now, he could see her words floating in the air, taking on new meaning.

_This treaty is like mine and Historia’s child._

_How much is a life worth?_

But he was being stupid. 

He could do this tomorrow. When Armin and Annie were out. And he would be away from prying eyes. 

He was about to leave when the door he’d been staring at opened.

He looked up in surprise and found Armin staring back at him with an unnamed look in his eyes.

“I thought I heard you,” Armin stated, opening the door wider. 

He entered his own living room like a guest and saw Annie sitting at the sofa giving him a pensive stare. Her eyes bore into him, asking a question she didn’t voice.

“Let’s go to your home office,” Armin recommended, after seeing him and Annie give each other unpleasant looks.

He followed Armin to his own office and closed the door, leaning against it. He closed his eyes and attempted to gather his thoughts.

“I’m sorry for barging in,” he said, agitated. “You guys must be tired. I can….I can go back tomorrow.”

He opened his eyes in time to see Armin shake his head. “I was expecting you,” Armin told frankly, as he went back to the desk filled with reports.

This time, Jean noticed a new stack of paper, one still neatly folded, on the edge of his desk.

Armin followed his gaze. “You might want to read that,” Armin offered. “It’s a report I got from Levi, waiting for me when I arrived in Marley.”

“Levi?” he asked, confused. 

“I lucked out,” Armin told him sardonically. “I guess I asked the right question to the person who actually knew what to do with it.”

Levi’s request for the Hizuru reports were now making more sense. Why he hadn’t asked Mikasa or Historia. Or maybe he did ask, but Levi was always thorough.

He walked towards the desk and picked up the letter.

_Armin,_

_I’m attaching to this letter…_

He looked at Armin before continuing. He was still leaning down against the table, looking at the reports. Reports that he knew didn’t have a single thing about what interested them.

Goddamit.

He walked behind his desk, motioning for Armin to move out of the way. He crouched down and opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a worn box.

_I want someone to share my life’s work with. Someone to be at my side when I struggle, someone to support me when I need it, someone whom I can do the same for._

He swallowed.

He stood up and handed the box to Armin. “Here,” he said, before he changed his mind.

Armin looked at him inquiringly before taking the box.

“It’s all of Mikasa’s letters,” he whispered softly. “Oldest in front. Latest at the back.” He clenched his jaw. “Just...be careful with it. I’m going to need to look at them again with new eyes.” He knew most of them by heart. But he needed to make sure he didn’t miss anything else.

“Understood,” Armin said gently, looking at him with what could only be pity at this point.

“Tell me something,” Jean had to know, “this man they want her to marry. Is he ‘a nice man of good standing from a decent family’?” It was her words, and he could tell that even Armin knew they were hers from the look in his eyes.

“So she did say something,” Armin said almost to himself, as he looked more curiously at the box of letters in his hands. He faced Jean. “He’s a prince, Jean,” Armin informed him slowly, his eyes going between Jean and the letters with look of understanding. “Third in line for the throne, after the Crown Prince and his son.”

Jean looked at the letters in Armin’s hands. 

_By being in the ruling class, things are the way they are and we might as well accept our fate?_

What had he told her?

_“It’s the price you pay for being that important and having that power.”_

He could feel a ball form in the pit of his stomach. 

_I’ll marry based on societal expectations._

She’d told him.

But he wasn’t listening. Not like he promised he would.

_We’ll have at least two children, because that’s what’s expected._

She’d been telling him this whole time….but she’d known….she must have always known that he didn’t understand any of it. 

That he’d had no fucking clue what they were really talking about.

Because if he had…. if he had….

_If you find out later that I kept something from you….will you forgive me?_

Goddamn her.

——————————


	16. Letters to Mikasa

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Well, I am pretty sure that your possible imminent engagement (as well as that of my daughter’s) is well known to our friends by the time you receive this letter. I’ve tried to emphasize that nothing is still agreed upon, that we are still in negotiations, but I don’t believe Levi was really in the right frame of mind to listen. He thinks I’ve sold both you and my own daughter out.

And part of me thinks he is right.

As it is my understanding that it was Armin’s query that started him down this path, I assume that you may be hearing from Armin soon as well. Armin, who is going to be in Marley (or perhaps is even there by now). Marley. Where Jean is.

But don’t worry. They will not be descending upon you in person in a fit of rage. That is my burden to bear as the instigator, I think.

It’s too late for second guesses. Our friends may be angry at us now, but what I’m very much afraid of is how angry our children could be, should this treaty hold. Do you think Meera will hate me? Do you think your hypothetical treaty children will hate us?

Torn,  
Historia

——————————

Hey, Mikasa,

You’re probably getting a lot of heat right about now from you know….people, but maybe even Levi specifically, about the fact that you and Historia were working on some side deals with Hizuru. 

Honestly, from where I’m standing, you guys were doing your job. Not sure I agree with having little Meera’s life dictated by it. She’s a child, for Sina’s sake. But you. You’re grown. If you’re ok with it, then it should be fine, right? It’s your life.

Listen, it’s none of my business what’s went on between you and Levi, that’s on both of you. But Mikasa, you can at least understand why Levi might be a tad upset with what you’re doing? I’m not gonna excuse whatever shitty thing he might say to you, but I do want to say to at least understand where he’s coming from.

He’s a ….really good guy. 

I guess this is really my long way of saying, can you go easy on him? He’s probably going to write to you and there’s a good chance he’ll actually send you this letter—he was...uh...not happy. So, go easy on him if he does. And I’m really asking this for his sake as well as mine. I live with the guy, you know.

Really wishing I’m as dim-witted as people always assumed I was,  
Connie

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

I’ve finally arrived in Marley. Annie and I are staying with Jean while we figure out a more permanent place to stay.

I understand from Levi and Historia that you’ve been working on some groundbreaking negotiations with Hizuru. 

I’ve seen some of the details that are being ironed out.

Part of me admires it for the intricate and detailed work that is painstakingly drafted, Mikasa. I want you to know that. Part of me even understands why you’re doing this. 

But another part of me is worried. For you. 

I’ve seen your letters to Jean. I know you’ve struggled with this. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you to talk to.

I want to understand, Mikasa.

Because I think, part of the reason I don’t understand is the fact that I’m marrying someone I truly love and care for. And I couldn’t be happier. And I wish….I want you to be as happy as I am.

Always,  
Armin

PS. On a different note, you’re the first person I’ve told—besides Annie’s father. I’m hoping this conversation isn’t going to end with you wanting to kill me (for different reasons, of course) the way that one did.

——————————

Mikasa,

I don’t know what to say.

I’ve started and restarted and written and rewritten this letter. At this point, I’m not even sure if it’s the one I’m gonna end up sending. There’s so much I want to say. Too many things I want to ask. 

Let's start with this—

I thought we were friends. 

You were the one I confided in about my work here in Marley. My doubts about my abilities. Hell, even my relationship with Pieck. Your advice was something I’ve always taken to heart even if I didn’t agree with it. And I thought, perhaps mistakenly, that I served the same role to you.

So, imagine my surprise at being so blindsided by Armin when he mentioned this tiny little detail that wasn’t in all those long drawn out reports you’ve been sending me. 

I thought that professional courtesy, at least, would have had you mention what Hizuru was really after as opposed to filling pages after pages about ice burst crystal mining controls and schedules. If not professional courtesy, then I thought that our friendship, at the very least, would have made you give me a fucking clue. 

Mikasa, you must have known that I would want to know. That I would be interested and downright invested in knowing what affects your life.

Because we’re friends.

So, either you kept it from me because you thought that as an ambassador to Marley, it wasn’t relevant to my work—I can actually buy this if this was all we were to each other. But Mikasa, if you really think that this was all we are to each other, then I will need to either call you a liar or I will need to re-examine my flawed outlook in life. Because Mikasa, we are certainly more than just colleagues.

That brings us to the second possible reason that you didn’t tell me. And honestly, this is more likely—you kept it from me because you knew that, as a friend, I may have something to say about you treating yourself like some sort of commodity to be bartered by the whims of some aristocrats.

What the fuck do you think you’re playing at, Mikasa? Why would you agree to this?

I’m so….angry right now, I can barely see straight. 

I want to shake some sense into you.

Remember when you told me you wanted someone to be at your side for your struggles and your triumphs? Someone with whom you can be the same for? Whatever happened to this dream of yours?

You, more than anyone I know, deserve to have your dream.

Why won’t you fight for it?

Pissed off,  
Jean

——————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! I can see the end of Part 3 if I squint. There’ll be a bit of a break between parts 3 and 4 because: 1) I’ve been neglecting my game and need to catch up on the updates 😂and 2) need to still finalize the outline for part 4–All Our Hellos, and get at least a couple of chapters drafted before I start posting.
> 
> Also, Connie, how could you tattle on Levi!?


	17. Letters to Connie

Connie,

Did you know? The reason behind Levi’s request to me about the Hizuru reports? Did you know that Mikasa was hiding something?

I don’t know why I’m even asking. 

I don’t even know why it matters.

But it does.

What she does matters.

What the fuck am I doing, Connie?

Jean

——————————

Dear Connie.

Like you, I’ve come to care a great deal for Levi so in that sense, I am always sympathetic to his position. I am sorry if he’s being difficult—I know, more than most, how cantankerous he can be. You have the patience of a saint.

And I am also sorry to have put you both in a position of having to confront Historia. It shouldn’t have come to that. It was never my intent, nor Historia’s, to keep some details to ourselves for so long. I do understand your concern for Meera. It was the most difficult of choices to make. Know that Historia and I are always looking for a different way.

Lastly, Connie, thank you for so many things. 

For caring about Levi because he so obviously needs someone to look after his own interest at times.

For giving me a small glimpse of how he’s doing because part of me will always worry about him. 

For understanding what Historia and I are doing. I needed this.

Take care of yourself, Connie, and don’t sell yourself short. 

We both know Sasha would hate that.

Mikasa

——————————

Dear Connie,

I am sorry that you and Levi felt you had to come to Mitras to get the answers you want. I am sorry that you were dragged into this, something that began before you even came back.

But Connie, this is a one-time pass for you and Levi. You pull a knife to my friend again, and there will be consequences.

Sincerely,  
Historia

——————————

Springer,

Back in circulation, are you? 

I’m going to owe you for that knife trick you pulled.

Holding a grudge,  
Hitch

——————————


	18. Letters to Historia

Dear Historia,

One of the things we both needed to realize is that there are people out there that have the capacity to care for us. Care enough to be well and truly irate when something surprises them and makes them think we’re doing something against our own interest. It makes them even more testy to realize that they are unable to control our actions.

I have always believed in what we’re trying to accomplish. It’s the reason I’ve taken this post, the reason I’ve let myself care for the people around me in this strange place. It’s also the reason I am more than willing to help unite the two nations with my name—if need be. It was something both of us were willing to do in order to leave the world a better place than what was given to us. And for Paradis and Hizuru, this plan of yours will do that. 

It’s a solid plan, Historia, born out of months and now over a year of planning and negotiating. Don’t let idiot men and their egos doubt yourself. Besides, we both know it’s not necessarily the plan itself that Levi or Armin might object to.

I should have told you about Levi. I don’t for a moment believe it would change anything that we’re doing right now, but you should have known all the dynamics that might impact our circle of friends when the treaty became known. And I am sorry for keeping it from you. One day, when we see each other again, maybe we can talk about it and do what women often do to comfort each other about their losses. And Levi….Levi is a loss of my own making. It’s a loss that I chose for the work that we do and truly….it was for his own good.

But for now, let’s move forward, Historia. There’s no going back.

Your friend and servant,  
Mikasa

——————————

Historia,

I need you to tell me what this past couple of years have been about. I think I deserve that much from you.

Armin’s been here and has his own theories, but I want to hear it from you.

Jean

——————————

Historia,

While I am sorry that I haven’t been there for Mikasa or you, you’re right in that I cannot be sorry for stepping away for a time.

But I am here now.

Let me help, if you need help.

I want to lend my strength and my talents to whatever you and Mikasa might need.

But I won’t force myself in if I’m not welcome.

Just….keep me informed. Because I want to be there for Mikasa should she need me, the way I haven’t been this past year or so. Help me make up for it.

Please.

Armin

——————————

Historia,

It won’t happen again.

Pretty sure Hitch would have my balls strung up if she saw me again, so I’m keeping myself scarce.

Connie

——————————


	19. Letters To Levi

Dear Levi,

I know that I am not your favorite person right now, but I would like to reiterate something I think that bears reiterating. 

Please, please, please don’t do anything rash. I know, more than anyone, how closely you read Mikasa and Lady Kiyomi’s report about the attempted coup and Mikasa’s subsequent injuries.

I know how closely you read the most recent proposals and anything and everything with her name in it.

I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to make sure Mikasa is safe. The Azumabitos will do the same, and to an extent, even the royal family as they have come to care for her as well.

She has done a lot of good in Hizuru.

When the time comes and Mikasa and I need your help, I swear that you will be the first to know.

Historia 

——————————

Levi—

I owe you another debt of gratitude. I seem to accumulate those from you left and right. Thank you for giving me this chance to be able to talk frankly and honestly with Mikasa.

As always, I am beholden to you,  
Armin Arlert 

——————————

Dear Levi,

It’s been….awhile. Even writing your name felt strange. As if almost a year of disuse have taken their toll that the sheer act of my writing your name in greeting felt foreign.

But not in my mind. 

Because in my mind, so many things I’ve done, I’ve done either to follow in your footsteps or to make sure that I didn’t and that I found my own path.

I...I wanted to say that Historia tells me that you've come to see her about me.

And I really really wish you hadn’t.

You left the military for a reason, Levi. You left the politics of the palace for a reason. I don’t ever want to be the reason that you have to go back to it. 

Despite your constant grumblings, I know how much life in the farm and that orphanage completes you in a way that fighting for freedom with Erwin once gave you purpose. I don’t ever want to be the reason that you would leave the life you have now. 

It will break me, Levi, in ways that I won’t be able to put back together, if I knew I were the cause of your losing that peace you found after all that you’ve done for us.

So, I will say this.

There’s no need to sacrifice yourself, your happiness, your contentment, so that I can complete my work. There’s no version of this story where you get to play Commander Erwin and I get to play Captain Levi, and I tell you to ride to your death while I take care of the rest. 

That is not and nor will it ever be our story. 

So Levi, please. Let Historia and I take over the burden of Paradis’s future. I swear, we will give you and all the children in that orphanage a better world than the one you and I and the rest of the Ackermans were born with.

I’ve asked you before and I’m asking you again—trust me, Levi, the way I’ve come to trust you.

Trust me to do what needs to get done.

With no regrets,  
Mikasa

PS. And should I need your help in the future, please trust that I will go to you with the full expectation of obtaining your assistance.

——————————


	20. Letters to Jean

Dear Jean,

Sometimes, I am a coward.

By the time you read this letter, I would have already gone on a small trip. I gave the keys to my apartment to Annie and have asked her and Armin to house sit for me until I get back. 

I know we talked this morning, and last night, and the day before that, and some other days. I’ve lost count of all our conversations. What I do know is that we can’t seem to resolve anything together. 

But Jean, I resolved something already.

I know that I love you. And the fact of the matter is I know that you love me. I never needed the words when your eyes and your actions all reflected your feelings so clearly—it’s one of the things that made me love you in the first place.

It should have been the beginning and the end of a love story.

Except there’s so much more than love.

There’s also my pride.

I don’t want to be second place.

I don’t want to be the consolation prize.

And I’m afraid that, as much as you do love me, that’s how I feel right now, ever since you’ve found out about Mikasa. 

I can see you deny it as you read this. I can see you shake your head and curse. And maybe, you truly believe your denial. But remember when I told you that your love for me is always there for me to see in your eyes and in your actions? So then are your feelings for Mikasa. If anything, you and I know each other a little too well. 

And nothing highlighted this so much for me as the past few weeks since Armin and Annie have been here. I can see her in your thoughts whenever you look at Armin. I can see her when you’re in your office, struggling to put something down on paper. And once in awhile when you’re with me, I can see when a stray thought of her enters your eyes and suddenly you are so far away, out of my reach.

It took a lot of soul searching and a lot of fortitude for me to admit this. It didn’t come easy.

But, as I said when I started this letter—Sometimes I am a coward, and in addition, I’m afraid that I am also weak.

I can see letting myself be convinced by you that all my interpretations are wrong, and that your feelings for me are genuine. And since it is half right, it would be that much more believable.

But Jean, in the long run, I don’t think my pride will survive. And I don’t want to hate you because I’ve become bitter, the way I’ve started feeling bitter ever since I’ve told you about the Hizuru negotiations.

Some day, I will be able to tell you quite honestly that I wish you all the happiness either with Mikasa or without.

Today is not the day.

What I can say with genuine heartfelt honesty is that I wish for you to have some peace. You’ve been so restless and angry lately. I wish you the best in finding your own resolution.

Yours truly,  
Pieck

——————————

I don’t know what to tell you, Jean.

It all sort of happened so fast. One minute Levi and I were doing drills with the kids here, and the next thing I knew he told me we needed to go to Mitras and have a conversation with Historia.

We went over the reports you sent first, but the more Levi read, the more dissatisfied he was with what he was reading. I think it started with Armin asking some questions and Historia being more evasive than usual. 

Jean, this thing with Mikasa….I mean the whole thing makes sense, yeah? If she’s fine with it, it’s her business. You really shouldn’t have any reason to be upset? Cos you’ve moved on, right? This thing you had back in the days...all water under the bridge, right?

Unless it’s not.

Awwww….fuck me, Jean. Tell me you’re done with this shit. Tell me I’m not reading your last letter correctly.

Cos if I am….you are in for some hurt. There’s things you don’t know—FUCK!!!

I’m not a fucking love doctor, for Sina’s sake. I can’t deal with this shit.

Really wishing Levi didn’t finish off all the goddamn whiskey earlier this week,

Connie

——————————

Jean,

You let Armin read my damn letters?! Which ones? What the fuck, Kirstein? Pretty low trying to sic him (our former commander, the guy who is practically my brother) on me, don’t you think?

Betrayed,   
Mikasa

——————————

Dear Jean,

You’re right. I think perhaps I owe you an explanation.

I did try to use you.

I knew (everyone did) how you felt about Mikasa and I actively encouraged it. She, like many of us, has a soft spot for anyone in the 104th. It was my hope that you would man up and perhaps declare your feelings. Initially, I was just trying to help you out and give you some encouragement.

But, as things progressed in Hizuru and I realized that you and Mikasa had gotten somewhat close during your correspondences, I’d hoped that something would develop soon. At least before the treaty negotiations really took hold. I was hoping to be able to tell Hizuru that Mikasa was already spoken for.

But I obviously miscalculated in more ways than one in that regards.

I am so sorry for any discomfort this may have caused you and Pieck. It came from a good place, and I hope you can forgive the subterfuge.

My sincerest apologies,  
Historia 

——————————

Dear Jean,

What do you know about my dream?

I see you remember when I told you that I wanted someone at my side the way you and Pieck have each other. How much I envy what you two have. I still do, you know. I see a picture of you and her and something inside me twists and churns.

I really believe that I could have had it. I did have it for a time, Jean. I knew what it felt like to be wrapped in this cocoon where the only thing that mattered was him and me. Sometimes, in that moment between sleep and wake, my mind tricks me into thinking I’m still there and it’s so real, I would swear his scent lingered on my pillow.

I could have kept it. I could have been with him right now instead of here alone. I could be waking up in his bed everyday, and going about our daily lives together. I just needed to hold on to it, and he and I would have been together, and I would have been so happy and content and _loved_ for all the days of my life.

But I knew that the moment I did, then another dream of mine would have died. And even his own dream would have withered because he would have given it up for me. To be with me.

Part of growing up is knowing that some dreams can’t exist together….so you pick one and mourn the loss of the other. I chose what dream to follow, Jean, and I am fighting for it. Historia and I are fighting for a better world. Something bigger than myself and my own wants. 

I wish I could make you understand.

But, if I can’t do that for you, then perhaps you can help me understand you instead.

What are you really so angry about? 

The fact that I didn’t explicitly tell you one small detail about the negotiations? Something that has no impact at all to Marley or your work there? Something that, although we are friends, really has no bearing and relevance in your own personal life? 

I’m sorry, Jean, but you’re not the one being offered in the altar of trade negotiations. Who I marry is really no one’s business but my own.

And if you truly were my friend, then I don't understand why you’re not helping me navigate these diplomatic waters instead of asking me what the fuck I’m playing at.

Instead of being angry that you were blindsided by my actions, why can’t you support my decisions and advise me on making new ones the way we’ve always done for each other?

You’ve been my pillar of support this past couple of years. 

I don’t want to lose you too.

So please....help me through this, Jean, the way you’ve helped me with so many other things in our lives.

Or tell me now, if this is the one thing you can’t forgive me for.

Always,  
Mikasa

——————————


	21. Epilogue: Letters to Mikasa, pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! So based on some comments on the last chapter, part of me thinks I should have ended there 😅
> 
> THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts on my current beast of an obsession!

——————————

You Are Cordially Invited to the Wedding of

Annie Leonhart 

To

Armin Arlert 

In

Marley

On

The Year of 858, April 20th

Details Within

RSVP

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

I know how busy you have been in Hizuru and I understand that this may not be enough time to make arrangements.

Armin would not dream of asking you to drop everything just to attend our wedding.

But Mikasa, I would do it. Please come, for Armin’s sake. While he does consider the rest of the 104th to be a family of sorts, we both know that you are the sister he never had.

If it is a matter of time, I would happily move the date at your convenience.

We would both love to have you.

My most sincere request,  
Annie

——————————

Dear Mikasa, 

Ignore Annie’s letter.

Come only if you can spare the moment. I realize it is not a trivial thing to ask.

She’s right, however, in that I’d love for you to be here and be my witness. Hitch will be doing the same role for Annie.

With love and affection,  
Armin

PS. We do need to talk about a few things and I’d really prefer to do them in person. If you don’t make the wedding, I’m hoping to come visit you in Hizuru?

——————————

Mikasa, 

What the fuck? 

Let me see if I get this right. 

You want me to standby while you and Historia figure out how to deal with Hizuru? Fine. Politics isn’t my forte, and I can see myself hindering rather than helping your process. 

You want me to standby while you wait and see if the violent factions that were responsible for an attempted coup have wholly been ousted? While you’re firmly entrenched in Hizuru?

I’ll say this for you, Ackerman, you certainly know how to tie a man in knots, and unfortunately not in the good kind of way in this instance.

But if you think I’m going to sit on my ass and do nothing while you—

I swear sometimes you can be so so so fucking clueless about people in general. 

Mikasa, we need to talk. 

Arlert’s wedding is coming up. I’m assuming you will be heading to Marley in the near future.

Don’t do anything….possibly permanent before then.

I’ll see you soon.

Levi

——————————

Dear Mikasa,

Whether I intend to or not, I seem to always end up hurting people.

Take you, for instance. I’ve lost count of the times you’ve had to call me out or I’ve had to apologize for some stupid or thoughtless thing I have written down. And let me tell you, you definitely make me work for those forgiveness in hopes, I think, that I’ll reconsider repeating my error. Unfortunately, time does pass and I either forget or come up with something new to piss you off. At this point, I’m thinking it’s a fucking talent.

I’ve been thinking about my last letter, Mikasa. The one I’ve re-written multiple times, thinking that in doing so, I’d have something more coherent to say coming from a clearer head.

What came out was, as you know, my accusing you of not being a good colleague, a good friend, or even a good person. Apparently, I know how to do a trifecta of insults all at one go. What’s more, I accused you of not fighting for something that I obviously had no _fucking_ clue about. 

I was so out of my depth, I didn’t even realize I was drowning until it was too late. And to add insult to injury, I dragged you down with me.

I want you to know that I didn't lie, Mikasa. I _was_ …. I am pissed off. What wasn’t clear to me then was the answer to your question as to why I was and still am feeling this way. 

I can literally count on one hand the times in my life when I’d felt this helpless. The kind of helplessness that eats at your soul and reminds you that you’re nothing in this world we live in. Given both our lives, I think you’re probably familiar with it as well. In all those times for me, I always ended up doing something incredibly stupid and self destructive like join the Scouts or plan to kill my friend or….lash out at the one person who needed my help the most.

I’m so sorry, Mikasa. I don’t even know how I’m able to write this without cringing at myself. 

I broke promises to you. I told you I’d listen and I didn’t. I told you I’d be there for you, and I wasn’t. And I told you I won’t make the same mistake—and here we are.

I don’t know how to make this right. At that time, I thought I was so mad at you for doing something that wasn’t for your own good, for your own happiness. But really, I was mad at myself for missing it. I was mad at myself because I couldn’t even be there to help you through it. I was so oblivious. I looked at your letters to me again recently and I want to kick myself. Because you’ve told me, Mikasa, and I just wasn’t listening.

I don’t know if it’s even possible for me to make this right. But I’ve got nothing left to do but try. You want my help? You have it. You want my support? It’s yours, whatever you do. You want my head in a handbasket? Honestly, just say the word and Annie would gladly deliver. 

Whatever you need, Mikasa.

That being said, I think….I think we need to talk. Really talk this time. I can’t keep screwing this up anymore. 

Tell me where and when and I’ll be there.

Yours Always,  
Jean

——————————

Mikasa stares in trepidation at all the correspondences she’s accumulated on her desk.

“We need to talk, they say,” she mutters under her breath. “As if I haven’t heard that before.”

_Mikasa, I’ve always hated you._

She lets out a deep breath and mentally shakes herself and the memory away.

Everything will be fine. It’s just a month in Marley, seeing old friends. What could possibly go wrong?

——————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Part 3!
> 
> If you’ve gotten this far, thank you so much for sticking with me and my story for all three parts so far! It’s a slow ongoing process, but your comments, kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions have all helped fuel my creativity and desire to complete each part. I just cannot THANK YOU enough.
> 
> I know there are still a lot of unanswered questions and hopefully most of them will be answered in the next part of my story (shameless plug), _All Our Hellos_. It will be a multi chapter story that will showcase the 104th’s reunion that takes place during Annie and Armin’s wedding in Marley, as you’ve already surmised from this last chapter. The focus, however, will really be the development of Jeankasa in Marley amidst friends, old lovers, wedding activities, and very light political intrigue.
> 
> As mentioned before, I’m taking a small break prior to initiating this new part as I expect it to be quite more in depth and time consuming than the letters. I’d like to be able to come back when I can comfortably maintain a pace of updating at least twice a week.
> 
> That being said, thank you again for all your support and kind words! See you next time!


End file.
